


The Camera is Their Eyes, But I Only Want to Be Seen By You

by mint_chapstick



Category: GOT7
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Sex Work, Anal Sex, Angst, Blackmail, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, M/M, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Physical Abuse, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex Trafficking, Sex Work, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Violence, Vixx - Freeform, a lot of noncon but it's plot relevant i promise, cameos from other groups, potential OOC Jaebum but for good reason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2018-09-17 09:52:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9318008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mint_chapstick/pseuds/mint_chapstick
Summary: Jaebum doesn't really let other people get close; people getting close means they start to notice the bruises. But Jackson has always had a way of making a place for himself in other people's hearts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS AUTHOR DOES NOT CONDONE OR ENCOURAGE RAPE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.  
> This fic has been in the works for a while now..... it isn't completely finished yet but I have roughly eight chapters completed. I haven't quite figured out an update schedule so we'll see how things work out. Please review!

            Im Jaebum grasped his dick, stroking gently, a moan leaving his mouth at the slick feeling. He stroked again, harder, and threw his head back, gripping his bottom lip with his teeth as a bead of sweat rolled tantalizingly down his throat. Letting his head fall back down, he stared straight forward as he continued to stroke himself, his eyes dark as his mouth fell slightly open, ragged gasps escaping. The black lens of a camera stared back.

            Jaebum lifted a hand to his face, beginning to suck on two fingers as his eyes slid shut, his hand still slowing rocking back and forth on his dick. He removed the fingers from his mouth, drawing them down his chest and over a nipple, hissing as the pink bud stiffened. His eyes drifted to the counter in the upper left corner of the room, behind the camera. _Time: 34:56:037_. _Viewers: 283_. _Cash Earned: $3,593.48_.

            Jaebum slid his hand down to the tip of his penis, cupping it as he dug his thumb into the slit and letting out a pleasure-filled moan, heavy gasps dropping from his lips. The cash count clicked upwards another $100.

            Jaebum continued to pleasure himself, teasing the viewers, until the clock reached the forty minute mark. At that, he slowly slid off the cock ring that he’d put on at the start of the broadcast and began pumping himself, keening as his overstimulated body finally reached long-awaited orgasm. Cum coated his stomach and he ran fingers through it, bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean. Looking directly into the camera, he smirked, sweat-soaked auburn hair hanging attractively over his forehead, and said in a husky and pleasure-ravished voice, “Hope you enjoyed the show, everyone. Come back next time, okay? This is JB, see you later.” With that final statement he blew a kiss to the camera and winked. The red light that signaled recording blinked off.

 

            “Nice job today, JB!” Jaebum turned as his manager walked up to him, the sleeves of his white button up rolled to the elbows. He clapped Jaebum on the back before handing him a check. Jaebum glanced down at it. _Pay to the order of: Im Jaebum_. _Three hundred and fifty thousand won_. “Now, don’t forget you have that photoshoot this weekend, so if you have any… fun forays, make sure they don’t leave marks,” his manager continued, leering slightly as he leaned a bit too far into Jaebum’s personal space. Yet Jaebum smiled politely, nodding to the man before leaving the company building, a red duffle bag slung over his shoulder. As he stepped out the doors and into the drizzle that was trickling down from the sky, he flipped up the hood of his white sweatshirt and hooked the bag a little higher up on his shoulder, his heavy boots splashing lightly through the miniscule puddles that had begun to form.

            As he climbed onto the bus, the bus driver greeting him, “Jaebum! Good to see you again. Dreary day, isn’t it?”

            Jaebum bowed slightly in response. “Hello, Jihwan-sshi.” Looking out the bus window, Jaebum observed the drizzle that had begun to transform into a shower. “I don’t mind it. Rain is nice, it helps things grow.”

            The bus driver grinned, waving Jaebum towards the seats. “Ah, Im Jaebum, you always have a good answer for everything. The regular stop, right?”

            Jaebum nodded before walking down the bus aisle and choosing a window seat, gazing out at the rain.

 

            Twenty minutes later, Jaebum was out of the bus and tramping up the stairs in his apartment complex, the hood and shoulders of his sweatshirt nearly soaked through due to the rain that had decided to move from a light shower into the heavy droplets of a pour. Reaching the second floor, he made his way down the hall, pulling out his keys when he reached his apartment. The key stuck in the lock slightly and the rusty hinges let out a soft _screech_ as their old structures protested the movement of the opening door. Jaebum entered the apartment, cold light filtering in through the large window opposite the door, falling over the slightly ratty couch and well broken-in chair placed in the living room in front of an old TV set. Jaebum flicked on the light, the bulb stuttering for a moment before coming to life, lighting up a minimalist kitchen with off-white tile countertops, many of the individual tiles webbed through with cracks.

            Jaebum wiped his shoes on the mat, untying the boots and placing them in front of the organizer that held the rest of his shoes, adjacent to the door. His soaked sweatshirt was soon shed and hung on the back of one of the chairs situated around a dining table that always tilted a little bit to the left, revealing a black t-shirt worn underneath. Jaebum’s socks scuffed lightly on the weathered wooden floor as he made his way into the living area, tossing his duffle bag onto the worn-in arm chair and collapsing onto the couch. After a moment of allowing his limbs to fall loose and heavy in relaxation, Jaebum levered himself forward to scoop the pile of bills off of the wicker coffee table situated in front of the couch, flipping through them. Finding the one due the soonest, he stared at the charge. _₩520,000_. He sighed lightly, tossing the rest of the papers back onto the coffee table as he thumbed at the corner of the offending bill. With a huff, he placed it back on top of the pile, standing up and stretching tall. Rolling his neck, he looked back down at the bill, contemplating.    

            “I guess skipping a few meals couldn’t hurt,” he murmured to himself.

            He rolled his neck again before making his way out from around the couch to the door to his bedroom, swinging it open to reveal a mattress on a cheap frame, pillows and blankets and sheets askew and messy. The door clicked shut behind Jaebum and, in the corner of the room, a guitar, barely touched and nearly shiny new, stared after him mournfully.

 

            That night, a crash of thunder woke Jaebum from his sleep and as rain pattered against the window and lightning lit up the discolored ceiling above the bed, the sounds of his own pleading screams echoed inside his mind and he shuddered, a tear escaping to roll down his cheek.

 

            The next few days passed by in a bit of a blurred haze, night shifts at the convenience store drifting by at the side and a couple of cam shows taking the majority of Jaebum’s time. Soon the weekend arrived and Jaebum made his way to the photo studio, red duffle bag slung over his shoulder and worn black sneakers padding lightly over the slightly damp concrete of the sidewalk. The sun shone down, the feeling warm but the light cold and bright as befitted the first glimmer of sunlight after several days of drowsy rain.

            Pushing the door to the photo studio open, Jaebum entered the brightly lit and colorfully decorated lobby. A moment later, his manager emerged from the curtained doorway that led to the back, greeting Jaebum with a smile and throwing an arm around his shoulders to guide him to the back, Jaebum trying not to shy away from the prolonged and unwelcome contact.

            As Jaebum and his manager entered the back room, the eccentric but brilliant photographer Kwon Jiyong bustled forward, eyes raking up and down Jaebum’s body appreciatively. “JB, you’re here! All ready and everything; make-up and hair are basically finished and those jeans! Perfect for today’s concept, a pair of ass-hugging Levis.” Circling Jaebum, Jiyong made a gesture with his hand. “Alright, let’s get that shirt off and add a little bit of oil on those muscles and some powder to perfect that make-up for the camera and you’ll be ready to join Hongbin on set!” Jaebum glanced at the taller man standing across the room, a black suit hanging elegantly on his frame and a crisp white button up nicely contrasting the dark color, the top few buttons left open tastefully. His dark hair was gelled upwards and his shiny black shoes squeaked lightly on the linoleum floor. The two men exchanged a polite nod before Jaebum moved to get ready, stripping off his shirt and untying his shoes, putting them off to the side and leaving him in only a pair of ripped blue jeans and his socks. A stylist came forward and dusted powder across his face while another stylist slicked a light coating of oil over the skin of his upper body. Soon enough Jaebum and Hongbin were stepping onto the white floor of the photo backdrop, ready to begin the shoot.

            “Alright, JB,” Jiyong began to instruct, moving forward with camera in hand, “you stand in front of Hongbin. Hongbin, cross your right arm in front of him and tilt his head slightly to the left with your fingers on the edge of his jaw. Okay, splay the fingers and… perfect! Alright wrap your other arm around him and rest that hand at the edge of his jeans, fingers on the button like you’re about to pop it open. Now, take JB’s ear in your teeth…. Yes, bite on one of his earrings like that, that’s perfect! Give me a sexy gaze towards the camera too…. JB, mouth open slightly, eyes closed. Arch into Hongbin a little bit, look wanton and needy. That’s perfect, you two!” The camera came up and Jiyong began to take picture after picture, the lights flashing. “I love working with you two, things always run so smoothly. Okay, next shot, let’s move to the couch….”

            The lights in the studio were bright and overbearing as the shoot continued. In one shot, JB knelt between Hongbin’s spread legs, dick halfway down his throat as he gazed up at the taller who stared back just as passionately, suit jacket gone and white shirt splayed open, his body tensed as he clutched at the cushions of the couch his back was pressed up against.

            In the next pose their positions were reversed, JB sprawled naked on the couch as Hongbin licked a stripe up his cock, shirt abandoned and suit pants hanging tantalizingly low on his hips.

            The next pose had JB on his knees, elbows digging into the couch as Hongbin’s tongue buried itself in his ass. The taller’s suit pants pooled around his ankles, his knees pressed onto the edge of the couch and his cock hanging low and heavy.

            They finally reached the climax of the shoot, taking a quick break to allow Jaebum to prepare himself, wiping lube from his fingers as he made his way back onto set. Jiyong immediately began giving instructions, not at all perturbed by the things he was telling them to do.

            “Alright, JB, on your hands and knees on the extended section of the couch. Hongbin, move over him, pull him back by the hips, and slide inside.” Jaebum held in a hiss as the taller’s thick penis filled him, stretching him wide. “JB, arch your back a little bit,” Jaebum barely managed to bite back a groan as the tip of Hongbin’s cock dragged along the inside of his hole. “Okay, now bite your lip and tilt your head down slightly…. There it is!” The camera clicked dozens of times, Jiyong moving around to capture different angles. Satisfied, he moved back with a nod of his head. “Okay, Hongbin, you can pull out now, we’re moving to the next shot.” The taller moved away and was quickly instructed to sit on the normal part of the couch, hips canted forward and legs spread wide.

            “JB, climb on top and straddle his hips so you can lower yourself onto him.” Jaebum stood upright, moving over to Hongbin and swinging his legs over those of the taller’s. He slowly began to sink down onto Hongbin’s cock, but his knees slipped on the faux leather of the couch, sending him down much more quickly and driving a surprised moan from his lips as Hongbin’s penis hit his prostrate straight on. Movement seemed to still in the studio and Jaebum lowered his gaze quickly as he saw his manager turn to look at him. However, Jiyong was undeterred.

            “JB, slide up a bit further. Yeah, there is good. Hongbin, hands where JB’s back and hips intersect.” Hongbin’s thumbs pressed reassuring circles into Jaebum’s skin and the tense feeling pooling in the younger’s stomach eased slightly. “JB, put your hands on Hongbin’s thighs to hold yourself up. Tilt your head back, narrow your eyes, let your mouth drop open. Hongbin, I want you to stare at him like he’s your favorite food and you just want to devour him. That’s perfect, you two, hold it for a second!” Once again, the sound of the camera clicking filled the studio and then Jiyong was off again with his instructions. “Okay, for this one the position stays mostly the same but I want you two kissing. JB, I want your left arm wrapped around his neck with your right hand cupping his jaw. Hongbin, leave your right hand where it is but move your left hand farther up his back. JB, tilt your head slightly to the left. Move in and… perfect!” The lights flashed over and over again until Jiyong stopped taking pictures. He gestured for the models to separate, a smile on his young face.

            “Alright, we’re done for today. Get dressed and get out of here!”

            Bowing and thank yous ensued before Hongbin and Jaebum hustled off-set. Once dressed, they exited their separate dressing rooms, Jaebum in the outfit he had come in plus a dark green canvas jacket he’d brought in his duffle bag. Hongbin stepped out in a zipped up black jacket, collar reaching his chin, as well as black jeans and a pair of black tennis shoes, a backpack hanging off his shoulder by one strap. The two greeted each other and Hongbin reached forward and ruffled Jaebum’s hair, the younger lightly pushing him away even as a rare smile graced his face.

            “Good job today,” Hongbin said, a smile on his face as well as he gently nudged Jaebum’s ribs with his elbow. He threw an arm around the shorter’s shoulders as they exited into the night together, Jaebum leaning into his touch. The smiles vanished as the two noticed Jaebum’s manager standing by the curb with a car, the light of the streetlamps glinting off the shiny black paint.

            “JB,” his manager stepped forward, “I need you to come with me to the office to discuss a project we’re thinking of doing.”

            Hongbin pulled the younger closer to his body protectively. “Ah, Manager-nim, JB and I were planning to go get food together-”

            “It really can’t wait,” JB’s manager interrupted, swinging the back door of the car open and gesturing for JB to get in.

            Jaebum gently pulled away from Hongbin, giving the older what he hoped was a reassuring smile, before climbing into the car. His manager shut the door behind him and Jaebum rolled down the window to meet eyes with at worried-looking Hongbin. “Sorry about tonight. We can get food later, yeah?”

            Hongbin nodded, faking a smile even as his eyes betrayed his uncertainty. The frame of the car shook slightly as JB’s manager climbed in the backseat beside Jaebum and shut the door. The car began to pull away and Jaebum waved goodbye to Hongbin before rolling up the window, though he could still feel the older’s worried gaze burning through the glass, the feeling fading as the car drove further and further away.

            His manager slid closer until he was nearly on top of Jaebum, his lips inches from the younger’s ear. “What happened during that photoshoot, hmm? That moan…. Mmmm, that really turned me on. You’ll solve my problem for me, right?” The man’s tongue flicked out, dipping inside Jaebum’s ear and the younger hissed, resisting the urge to flinch away. His manager leaned back and Jaebum allowed his eyes to close as he heard the other slide his zipper of his pants down. A hand was suddenly yanking viciously on his hair and his eyes shot open before his head was pulled around and down, his nose inches from his manager’s erect penis. “Suck,” instructed the man harshly, his hand twisting in Jaebum’s hair painfully before releasing.

            Jaebum slowly moved to do so, nose crinkling in disgust as he took his manager’s penis in his mouth. The taste was nothing like Hongbin, who was clean-tasting yet slightly salty. It was sour and unwashed, and the man wasn’t gentle either, bucking his hips up at the feeling of Jaebum’s lips, almost choking the younger. The hand made its way back into Jaebum’s hair, pushing his head down farther before holding it in place as his manager thrust in and out of the younger’s mouth as Jaebum struggled to tamp down his gag reflex. With a final, stuttering gasp, the manager forced Jaebum’s head further down onto his groin, releasing spurt after spurt of bitter cum down the younger’s throat. Jaebum swallowed it all in order to avoid choking or punishment and was harshly shoved back as his manager’s climax finished, a hand shooting to his throat as he coughed.

            His manager tucked himself back into his pants, leering at Jaebum with a satisfied gaze. “You liked that, didn’t you, you fucking cumslut.” He grabbed Jaebum’s jaw roughly, kissing the younger hard enough to almost split his lip before pulling back and signaling to the driver to pull over. The car stopped by the curb and the manager reached across Jaebum to shove open the door. “Get the fuck out, you whore.”

            Jaebum sprang out of the car in a rush, stumbling on a crack in the sidewalk. He caught sight of his manager’s sneer from the corner of his eye before the door was slammed shut and the car pulled away. He began to walk shakily, his breathing ragged, before suddenly dashing into an alley and throwing up, the bitterness of his manager’s semen tasting even worse coming back up. Wiping his mouth, he exited the alley and began making his way home on unsteady legs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ₩350,000 = about $300  
> ₩520,000 = about $450
> 
> I kept the money on the counter in US dollars because a) it's more confusing when that much money is converted into won and b) it implies that this could be an international business. So yeah.


	2. Chapter 2

_“Hello! My name is Im Jaebum! I’m a nineteen year-old student from Gyeonggi-do and I would like to be a singer! Please take good care of me!” The teenager bowed low, barely contained nerves and excitement causing him to bounce slightly in place, a wide smile stretching across his face as his eyes curved into cresents._

_A panel of three adults sat at a table in front of him, two men and a woman. They leaned in close to each other, heads almost bumping as they quietly discussed. After what seemed like an eternity, they separated and one of the men stood._

_“Hello, Jaebum. My name is Hong Minhyuk. If you decide to sign this contract,” he tapped lightly on a thick stack of papers placed on the table beside him, “I’ll be your manager and we can start your training almost immediately.”_

_Jaebum gasped, his eyes lighting up excitedly before he dropped into another low bow. “Thank you so much!” Above his lowered form, the three adults exchanged victorious smiles. Jaebum straightened and stepped towards the table, taking the pen Minhyuk offered him. He signed his name with an enthusiastic flourish, barely reading the contract except for a brief glance at the words, ‘Contract for Formal Training and Production of Promotional Material for Public Consumption’. Passing the contract to one of the other adults, Minhyuk set his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder and smiled, a lecherous glint to it that the teen was too excited and naïve to notice._

_“Welcome to the company, Im Jaebum. Your whole life is about to change.”_

            Jaebum fumbled the key in the lock, the ridges not quite lining up and sending the key sliding, scratching a line into the metal. With shaking hands, he finally managed to get the door open, stumbling into his apartment. Slamming the door behind him, Jaebum made his way towards the couch, dropping things as he went. His duffle bag fell to the floor, followed swiftly by his jacket and he toed his shoes off his feet before collapsing onto the couch, curling into a slight ball as his body was wracked with tremors. His feet and shoulders ached where weight had rested heavily on them as he’d walked miles of distance through Seoul to finally reach home. Jaebum coughed softly, his abused throat stinging slightly at the aggravation. Another shiver rippled through his body and he grit his teeth and buried his fingers in his hair, briefly thrashing on the couch as he let out a hoarse, muffled shout of angry self-loathing. He buried his face in the couch cushions, fingers digging into the fabric, and his shoulders shook silently, hitched sobs breaking free from his chest until he cried himself into a restless slumber.

 

            Heavy pounding on the door woke Jaebum, and he looked up from where he lay on the couch to see late morning light filtering in through the large window. The sounds of birds chirping outside and Hongbin’s worried voice on the other side of his door reached Jaebum’s ears.

            “Jaebum, you’re in there, right? The lady down the hall said she thought she heard something at maybe one am but she didn’t sound at all sure…. Please be okay,” the last part was mumbled and Jaebum wouldn’t have heard it if he hadn’t been on his feet, making his way to the door.

            He swung the door open and Hongbin was standing there, an immensely relieved expression on his face as he surged forward to grip the younger in a tight hug. Jaebum froze for a moment before the surprise wore off and he lifted his arms to encircle his friend. After a long moment, Hongbin pulled back and held Jaebum at arm’s length, looking him over.

            “Thank god you’re okay… I was worried you might be dead,” Hongbin let out a strained laugh, attempting to hide his worry with humor. His hand came up and cupped Jaebum’s chin, turning his face. “Jesus, Jae, your lips are bruised.”

            Jaebum’s brows scrunched together and he lifted a hand to brush his fingers along his bottom lip, hissing and pulling his hand away as the touch aggravated the sensitive area. “Ow,” the rough quality of his voice and the pain that accompanied speaking took Jaebum by surprise and the hand that had touched his lip quickly shot to his throat, rubbing the outside as if that would sooth the feeling.

            Hongbin winced in sympathy, gently massaging reassuring circles into Jaebum’s tense shoulders with his thumbs. “Hey, how about you go take a shower and change your clothes and we’ll get breakfast together? Your throat sounds like it could use some hot tea.”

            Jaebum nodded in response and turned to trudge towards the bathroom, Hongbin’s hands dropping from his shoulders. The older watched him go, taking in the younger’s slumped posture and lowered head, and concern flitted across his features before he turned, going to sit at the kitchen table while he waited.

 

            The two sat down at small table in the corner of the restaurant, both dressed plainly enough to not draw undue attention. The server made her way over to them and Hongbin gave her their orders, glancing briefly at Jaebum, who was doing his best to hide behind the minimal rim of the beanie he had pulled over his auburn hair. “Licorice root tea, please, honey on the side, and a cup of coffee.”

            The woman nodded, writing it all down. “Anything to eat?” Hongbin shot another glance at Jaebum, who had his head turned away, hand raised to cover his mouth. With a sigh, Hongbin continued to order for them both.

            “Doenjang soup please, with cooked rice and kimchi on the side, as well as an order of steamed eggs.”

            The server nodded once again, scribbling into her notepad, before turning and walking away.

            “I don’t like steamed eggs,” Jaebum mumbled, his voice still rough even at a low volume.

            “Well then, you should have ordered for yourself,” Hongbin scolded gently. He reached out and gently took the younger’s hand from where it rested on the table. “Hey, look at me.”

            Jaebum looked hesitantly up, his hand dropping from his mouth to reveal the delicate skin of his lips, purpling slightly with blooming bruises where he’d been kissed far too roughly.

            “Are you okay?” Hongbin asked quietly, concern permeating his voice.

            Jaebum looked down at the table, pulling his hand from Hongbin’s to clasp his fingers together and twiddle his thumbs. “Yeah, I- I will be.” He looked up at Hongbin, a strained and barely-there smile on his bruised lips. “It’s just been a while since he’s… done something like this, you know? I’m not adjusting as well as I should be, but I’ll be okay.”

            Anger flared in Hongbin’s eyes. “God, Jae, this shouldn’t even be happening, let alone be something you need to ‘adjust’ to! I hate that man, I wish you could just get away from him…!” The taller huffed out a puff of air indignantly.

            Jaebum smiled self-deprecatingly, dejection clear in his expression. “But you know why I can’t.”

            Hongbin sighed, casting his eyes off to the side. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

            At that point, their food arrived and they ate their meal in silence, each comforting the other with gentle brushes of skin as they shared breakfast.

 

            Hongbin dropped Jaebum back at his apartment with a tin of bruise ointment for his lips and instructions to gargle salt water three times daily, as well as to call the older if he needed anything whatsoever. His spirits having risen slightly, Jaebum was quick to change into comfy sweatpants and a t-shirt, settling down on the couch with a cup of tea and the TV remote, flipping through channels until settling on a re-run from the drama Dream High when his phone pinged from where he’d left it sitting on the counter, plugged in, for the majority of the past day and a half. Standing up from his sprawled position on the couch, Jaebum made his way into the kitchen, scooping the phone up off the counter. A notification for a text message popped up on the screen. Jaebum swiped across, revealing the message as a text from his boss at the convenience store he worked at, asking him to take the morning shift the next day instead of the night shift that evening. Huffing lightly, Jaebum sent back an affirmative message before moving to sprawl back onto the couch, secretly grateful to have a few extra hours to recover.

 

            “GOOD MORNING, YOUNGJ- hey, wait, you’re not Youngjae.”

            Jaebum looked up from the register to see a guy with white-blond hair standing on the other side of the counter, a large sports bag balanced on his back and a confused expression on his face. He stared at Jaebum like the other wasn’t supposed to be there, prompting an eyebrow raise and a cool response.

            “No, I’m not.” Jaebum kept his speech soft, not wanting to aggravate his still-fragile voice. The guy continued to stare and Jaebum resisted the urge to lick his lips self-consciously, knowing that that was likely to mess up the carefully mixed lipstick and concealer he’d applied in order to hide the dark bruising. “Can I get you something, or are you just going to keep staring?”

            “Are you new here?” the guy blurted.

            Jaebum sighed. “No, I normally work the night shift. Whoever normally runs the place in the morning – I assume Youngjae, if you’re a regular customer – called in sick so my boss asked if I could come in instead.”

            That seemed to satisfy the guy, as he stopped staring and held out a hand for Jaebum to shake. The auburn-haired man took it skeptically, unwillingly finding himself impressed by the shorter man’s strong grip. “I’m Jackson,” the guy introduced himself.

            Still wary, Jaebum released the other’s hand. “Jaebum.” He looked the other man up and down, taking in baggy pants, a black long-sleeved shirt, black sneakers, and a snapback tugged over the other’s bleached blond hair. “So, can I get you something?”

            The change from friendly to flirty was near instantaneous and took Jaebum by complete surprise. “How about your number?”

            Jaebum stared at the other in shock, opening his mouth to exclaim indignantly, “What the-” He made it halfway through the second shouted word before his throat remembered it was still healing and he descended into a fit of painful coughing, Jackson flitting about in a worried tizzy on the other side of the counter.

            “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, it was just a lame pick-up line, are you okay?” Jaebum held up a finger at the other as the coughing fit began to subside, a hand cupping his throat as his breathing raggedly evened out. Wiping a hand across his mouth and freezing momentarily at the sight of lipstick and concealer smeared across the skin, Jaebum resigned himself and straightened up, glaring at the blond-haired man who was staring worriedly back.

            “Seriously, are you okay?”

            Jaebum rubbed at the outside of his throat, his voice coming out exponentially rougher when he spoke. “I’m fine, just getting over a cold, and _some_ dumbass had to aggravate my throat by saying something stupid.” He shot another glare at the shorter man for good measure.

            The other man had the gall to look vaguely offended. “Hey, it may have been a dumb pick-up line but you were the one who decided to respond with yelling-” Jaebum couldn’t hold back another cough and Jackson’s eyebrows came together in worry. “Whoa, your lips look kind of blue, are you sure you’re okay?”

            Jaebum’s shoulders stiffed and he cursed internally. “I’m sure it’s just the lighting,” he lied through his teeth, attempting an amicable smile that probably appeared more like a grimace.

            Jackson did not seem reassured. “If your lips are turning blue, that means you’re not getting enough air which probably means you should go to the hospital-”

            “Can you please just buy something?” Jaebum interrupted him, trying not to seem like he was desperately begging the other. “You’re the only customer right now and we’re understaffed today so I’ve got some things that I need to do in the back and it would be really nice to get them done now when the place isn’t super busy.” Jackson stared at him suspiciously and Jaebum sighed. “I swear, I’m _fine_ , okay? Please just order something and let me do my job.”

            Jackson clearly wasn’t happy about it but he finally picked out a bag of chips and a coffee, which Jaebum quickly rang up for him before practically throwing the shorter out of the store. Once he was gone, Jaebum rushed to the bathroom in the back and winced. The make-up was slightly wiped away, dulling the purple of the bruises into a pale blue color. Pulling the lipstick and concealer out of his pocket, Jaebum quickly reapplied them, making sure to blend it naturally, before heading back out to stare at the register and wait for customers to trickle in.

 

            The next day Jaebum was back on the night shift, and it was two days after the morning shift debacle that a familiar head of white-blond hair walked into the shop.

            “Hey there, JB!” crowed the recognizable voice, and it took all of Jaebum’s self-control to hold back his violent flinch.

            “Please don’t call me that,” he said, voice tight.

            Jackson blinked at him. “Huh?”

            Jaebum sighed. “JB. I hate that nickname with a passion, so please don’t call me that.”

            Recognition and apology bloomed in Jackson’s surprisingly expressive eyes. “Oh. Sorry, man. Jeez, I can’t get anything right with you, can I?” His remorse was quickly brushed away as he contemplated jokingly. “Well, I guess that is what Justin Bieber goes by, so it makes sense you’d hate being called that.”

            Jaebum snorted. “Says the guy whose snapback has ‘WANG’ in all caps on it.”

            Jackson glared playfully at the auburn-haired man. “Excuse you, mister, don’t knock the Wang. That just so happens to be my last name,” he puffed out his chest as if expecting Jaebum to make some sort of snide comment.

            Instead, the taller’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Wang, huh? Isn’t that a Chinese last name?”

            Jackson’s eyes lit up and he began talking enthusiastically, telling Jaebum about how he was in Seoul on exchange from China and he was studying music, a fencing scholarship helping his family to pay for schooling, especially for that semester he spent in America. Jaebum listened in fascination, amazing himself with how willing he was to listen to Jackson talk and how quickly the shorter’s bright smile distracted him from his own troubles, and before he knew it his shift was over and he had to kick Jackson out to close the store, feeling vaguely dismayed as he did so.

 

            Jackson visiting Jaebum at the convenience store to talk became a sort of nightly routine, one Jaebum was settling into nicely before he received a call from his manager, telling him that the day after next he needed to come into the office to film and potentially talk about future projects, so it would be ideal for him to clear his schedule for that evening as well. Dread formed a pit in Jaebum’s stomach and he stuttered through telling Jackson that he wasn’t going to be able to be there for their nightly meeting on that day. The younger had pouted for a bit before smiling and telling Jaebum that that was okay, he had an assignment that he needed to get done anyways. Two days later, the dread was weighing Jaebum down as he climbed on the bus to head to his company’s building. He stared out the bus window, trying to let the scenery whizzing past calm him down. The bus arrived at his stop and Jaebum stood, but the dread seemed to only have grown heavier.

 

            “It’s been getting too vanilla,” Minhyuk complained. He paced back and forth, his steps agitated, as Jaebum stood there, head bowed towards the floor. “The viewers are getting bored. It’s time to amp things up again; you’ve got some fun things set up in your room this time. Make use of them.” Jaebum nodded, scurrying out of the room as his manager waved him away.

            He stepped into the ready room, stripping down to his boxers and leaving his clothes and his duffle bag piled on a chair. He checked in the mirror to make sure the mixture of lipstick and concealer completely covered the slowly fading bruising on his lips. That bruising would limit him; he’d have to be careful what he did with his mouth.

            Entering ‘his’ room, Jaebum surveyed the toys laid out on the fluffy white bed. The normal cock ring, a couple of dildos, one with a suction cup at the end to secure it to the floor, a string of anal beads, and a large bottle of lube. Sighing, Jaebum grabbed the cock ring, the lube, and the suction cup dildo, securing the latter to the floor. Shedding his boxers, he hung them over the lens of the camera before placing the cock ring on his soft penis and pouring lube over his fingers, bringing them to his hole. He slowly slid a finger inside, teasing himself open, before sliding in a second finger in and really beginning to work himself open. Once he was up to four fingers and his cock was rock hard, he removed his boxers from the camera lens, hitting the button to start the live feed. “Hey guys,” he said, gasping roughly as he slowly slid down onto the dildo that was secured to the floor, the ridges rubbing deliciously inside of him. “Did you miss me?” he grinned seductively at the camera before balancing himself carefully and beginning to fuck himself on the dildo, letting pleasure-filled cries drop from his lips as the viewer count clicked upwards.

 

            An hour later he exited the ready room, once again fully dressed but his hair was soaked through with sweat and hanging in his eyes. His manager greeted him with his typical smile. “Nice job today, JB!” The smile grew lecherous and the dread in Jaebum’s stomach tried to force its way into his throat. “Can you come up to my office? I’d like to discuss a potential project with you and you can have your paycheck when we’re done.”

            Jaebum’s expression faltered and his breathing hitched in fear but the dangerous glint in Minhyuk’s eyes had him reluctantly giving his assent. The man led him to elevator and they climbed in together, Jaebum trying to avoid shifting uncomfortably as the man’s eyes raked up and down his body. They soon reached the correct floor and Minhyuk took Jaebum by the elbow, his grip too tight as he pulled the younger along.

            They entered Minhyuk’s office and as soon as the door clicked shut the man’s demeanor changed dramatically. His fingers gripped Jaebum’s jaw harshly and he yanked his head to the side, his mouth pressed against the younger’s ear just like it had been close to a week before with his breath hot and damp on the delicate skin as he whispered, “You really did do a great job today, JB; look, even I have a problem.” The man ground his crotch against Jaebum’s hip, his erection obvious as he reached a hand around to grope at the younger’s ass. “You’re so good at taking care of these things…. Do you think you could do it again for me?” The man bit at Jaebum’s ear before placing his hands on the younger’s shoulders and forcing him down onto his knees. Pants were unzipped and a belt was undone, the fabric falling down to pool around the older man’s ankles, before the head of Minhyuk’s cock was pressed against Jaebum’s lips.

            Jaebum reluctantly opened his mouth and Minhyuk took him by surprise, shoving in harshly and nearly causing Jaebum to choke. The older man pulled back out slowly until only the tip of his penis remained in Jaebum’s mouth and he contemplated the younger, contempt in his gaze. “Suck it, you whore, I know you want it.” Jaebum ignored how the width of his manager’s penis stretched and hurt his bruised lips and began sucking vigorously, laving his tongue around the head and hollowing his cheeks in an attempt to finish the man off quickly and save his own recently healed throat the stress of his manager fucking down it.

            Minhyuk groaned softly above him, his fingers twisting in Jaebum’s hair as his orgasm neared. It finally arrived and the man forced himself deep into Jaebum’s open mouth, emptying his load down the younger’s throat and shoving him away once he was done. Jaebum coughed, his eyes widening in horror as a droplet of semen caught on the edge of his lip, dripping from his mouth and onto the carpet. His manager noticed and anger twisted his expression, his hand gripping Jaebum’s hair and dragging him forward painfully. “You’re supposed to swallow it all, you bitch, haven’t I told you that enough times? HAVEN’T I?” The last part was shouted and accompanied by a backhand to Jaebum’s left cheek, knocking him to the floor. His cheekbone stung where his manager’s ring had connected with it, and Jaebum brought fingers to his face, hand shaking as his fingertips came away stained red. His manager scoffed, hauling him back up by his hair. “Don’t get blood on the carpet, you whore.” Hard fingers grasped the younger’s jaw, tilting his head to look at his injured cheek. Minhyuk ‘tsk’ed softly. “Now look at what you made me do. You’re useless for shoots or as a camboy until this heals up.” The man stood, moving to his desk and leaving Jaebum kneeling on the floor, staring at the carpet numbly. A piece of paper fluttered through the air and came to rest on the floor in front of the younger. He shakily picked up the check, his fingers leaving bloody smears on the pristine paper. “Get out of here and take your money, you slut. Call me when your face is pretty again.”

            Jaebum stood on trembling legs and bowed before stumbling out of the room. As he made his way out of the building he could hear the other people whispering around him.

 

            It wasn’t until he’d made it home and thrown up into the toilet twice that tears finally started rolling down his face, their salt stinging the cut on his cheek and falling clear on one side, red-tinged on the other.

 


	3. Chapter 3

            “Oh my god, what happened to your face?”

            It was Jackson’s worried voice as he came into the convenience store the night after the incident that finally broke Jaebum out of the dead-eyed haze he’d been living in. His hand flew to his face, hovering above the bruised skin. The cut on his cheekbone had begun to scab over, but the skin around it was too tender to touch, let alone adhere a bandaid to.

            Jaebum looked across the counter at the blond-haired man who stared back, concern permeating his gaze. The older smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring and carefree way. “I got into a fight, it’s no big deal.”

            Jackson’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure? It looks kind of nasty. Want me to beat the guy up for you? I am a fencer, you know, I could run him through!”

            Jaebum attempted a disarming laugh, tamping down beautiful images of Jackson skewering Minhyuk through with a sword. “To be honest, I was pretty drunk when it happened; I don’t really remember what the guy looked like or why he even punched me!”

            Jackson laughed, his body language clearly relaxing as the conversation eased into less stressful topics. “Man, that must have been a hell of a hangover!”

            Jaebum chuckled. “Yeah, I threw up at least twice after I got home,” the bitter despair in his voice was well-hidden by the self-deprecating tone of the statement. “So, how was your-” his voice caught in his throat and he coughed suddenly, the sound rough. Worry instantly made its way back onto Jackson’s face.

            “Woah, you’re coughing again? Your voice sounds kind of rough too.”

            Jaebum massaged his throat carefully, the memory of his manager harshly forcing his cock down it trying to take over his thoughts before he hurriedly shoved it away. “Yeah, it’s fine.” He tried a reassuring smile. “My friends always tell me I’m a loud drunk; apparently I do a lot of yelling. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

            With that, Jackson’s worries seemed to be eased and their nightly routine was back on track, with Jackson talking animatedly as Jaebum worked, at first trying to conceal his smiles but eventually letting them free as Jackson began to tease him about it. As the night progressed, so did Jackson’s attempts to get a smile out of the older, until a ridiculous joke sent the auburn-haired man into peals of laughter. That is, until a throb of pain pulsed through his cheek, his wide smile reopening the barely healed cut on his cheekbone. Jaebum’s hand shot to his face, covering the stinging area as a hiss escaped through his teeth. Jackson’s demeanor changed in an instant.

            “What is it, Jaebum-hyung?” A trickle of red escaped from beneath the older’s hand, trailing down his face like a bloody tear, and alarm flashed through Jackson’s eyes. “You're bleeding! Did you reopen the cut on your cheek? Jeez, I shouldn’t have told that joke….” He slowly reached forward, his eyes searching the other’s face as he gently grasped his wrist and pulled Jaebum’s hand away from his cheek. A drop of blood slowly progressed across the skin, eventually reaching Jaebum’s jawline and hovering there for a moment before falling to splatter on the counter.

            Jackson reached for a napkin, cleaning the blood off the counter before turning to Jaebum. Staring into the other’s eyes, Jackson gently took hold of the older's face, his fingers warm and the calluses earned from hours of fencing practice rough against Jaebum’s cheek. Jackson began to dab away at the blood with the napkin, his touch so light that Jaebum barely even felt it.

             "You should have a bandage on this," the blond haired man mused quietly.

            The edge of the napkin brushed the cut and Jaebum hissed quietly in pain. "I tried. Hurts." His eyes darted to the worried furrow between Jackson's eyebrows before he quickly averted his vision, looking away from Jackson's face. His uninjured cheek tingled where Jackson's fingers gently rested.

            Eventually the younger pulled back, the white napkin in his hand stained red in places. Jaebum has to steady himself before meeting Jackson's eyes, the gentle concern there causing his heart to stutter unexpectedly. "Want me to try?"

            "Hm?" Jaebum asked, his mind racing as he gazed questioningly into Jackson's eyes. 

            "Do you want me to try bandaging it for you? I have experience with hard-to-wrap-up injuries from fencing." Jackson’s thumb dipped down to accidentally brush the corner of Jaebum’s mouth.

            The older jerked back in shock, breaking eye contact and staring at the floor while blinking rapidly. "U-um, yeah, sure, if you wouldn't mind...."

            Jackson's relieved smile was blinding. "Of course I don't mind!" He chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Hmm.... I don't think I have any bandaids with me so I'll have to run to the pharmacy down the street. Wait here!"

            As the door clanged shut behind Jackson, Jaebum's injuries weren't the only thing causing blood to rush to his face. 

 

            "Do you want to go bowling with me Wednesday night?"

            "Huh?" Jaebum side-eyed Jackson, resisting the urge to turn his head to look at the man who was gently applying a bandage to the cut on his face, missing the light pink flush that was hovering in Jackson's cheeks.

            The blond shrugged, "A couple friends and I go bowling together every Wednesday night, and I was wondering if you would want to come."

            Jaebum stared forward contemplatively. "Hmm," an image of the stack of bills on the coffee table in his living room came to mind. Jackson's fingers pressed the sticky edges of the bandaid carefully onto Jaebum's cheek, his fingertips brushing against the skin, and that image disappeared. "That sounds like fun. I'll have to take the night off...."

            "You're all done!" Jaebum turned his head to see the other grinning widely. The blond held out his hand expectantly. "Give me your phone."

            Jaebum quirked an eyebrow. "Why?"

            Jackson pouted at him playfully. "Because we've known each other for over a month and we still haven't exchanged numbers! Plus you agreed to bowling, so I'll have to text you the information." Jaebum clicked his tongue before pulling his phone out of his back pocket and handing it across the counter, ignoring Jackson's bright victory smile. A few moments of typing and the device was handed back to him. “Send me a text, so I’ll have your number,” Jackson said, his smile yet to fade from his face. Jaebum huffed in mock irritation, but sent the other a short text anyways. Jackson’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out, shielding the screen from Jaebum as he typed in a contact name, a pleased grin on his lips.           

            “Yah, what is this?” Jaebum questioned, grabbing for the phone. “What are you doing that you don’t want me to see?” Jackson pulled the phone away, giggling as he continued to type. Jaebum pouted before dashing out from behind the counter, chasing after a full-out laughing Jackson as they ran around the store.

            “I’m your elder, you brat, let me see what you’re typing!”           

            Jaebum finally managed to grab hold of the phone after nearly tackling Jackson to get it. He turned the screen on to find it open to his own contact info. “‘ _Jaedumb_ ’?? Jackson!” The younger swiftly snatched his phone back and the chase quickly re-ensued, Jaebum making ridiculous threats as Jackson dodged through the aisles, ecstatic giggles breaking free.

 

            A few nights later, Jaebum pulled open the door to the bowling alley, stepping inside with slight hesitation. Bright colorful lights flashed and pop music blared at a volume just on the verge of being too loud. As Jaebum scanned the room, a voice caught his attention.

            "Jaebum-hyung!" He turned to see Jackson, bouncing up and down excitedly as he waved frantically, a happy smile on his face. Jaebum made his way across the room carefully, at one point swerving to avoid a pack of giggling girls. He finally reached Jackson and his group of friends and was rewarded with a smile and a half-hug from Jackson; not a lot, but enough to make his heart flutter strangely in his chest.

            "Guys, this is Jaebum. Jaebum-hyung, this giant baby is Yugyeom," he pointed to a tall kid with light brown hair who smiled and waved cutely before sticking his tongue out at Jackson. "This thing is Kunpimook but we all call him BamBam," BamBam was a thin kid a couple centimeters shorter than Yugyeom with brown hair tinted slightly purple who flipped Jackson off before suddenly dabbing. "And this is Youngjae, the guy who normally works the morning shift at the convenience store." Youngjae smiled at Jaebum, brushing a strand of dark hair out of his eyes as he waved. Jackson looked around as if searching for someone. "Is he still not here?"

            "Jackson!" a handsome blond-haired man called out, approaching their group. A big smile broke across Jackson's face.

            "Mark-hyung!" He ran over and nearly tackled the other in a hug, and Jaebum's heart dropped into his stomach as he watched Jackson press a loud kiss to Mark's cheek, receiving only a grin and a playful poke to the cheek in response.

            Jackson dragged Mark over to Jaebum, still hanging off him in a hug. He released one hand to gesture as he introduced the two. "Mark-hyung, this is Jaebum-hyung. Jaebum-hyung, this is Mark-hyung."

            Mark extended a hand for Jaebum to shake, grinning ruefully as if Jackson wasn't hanging off his body like an octopus, face nuzzled into his neck. Jaebum's heart clenched painfully, but he ignored it with a tight smile and an even tighter handshake. If Mark noticed Jaebum's attempt to crush his fingers, he didn't express it.

            Once all the introductions were finished, Jackson finally let of Mark, straightening and fist-pumping the air. "Let's bowl, everyone!"

 

            An hour later, they were on their second game, Jackson still dominating the scoreboard after having won the first game in a landslide. Yugyeom and Mark followed quickly in second and third, with Jaebum and Youngjae trailing behind them and BamBam in last place as he continued to insist on attempting to insert a dab every time he went up to throw the ball down the lane.

            Jackson surveyed the table they had claimed, noting that everyone's drinks were getting low. "I think we need another round, guys. It's on me; I'll be right back!" He strolled off towards the concessions counter and Jaebum watched him go, taking a sip of his beer as he subtly checked out the shorter's ass in the tight jeans he was wearing. Someone settled into the seat across the table and Jaebum turned his head, stomach twisting unpleasantly at the sight of Mark.

            The man had proved to be slightly soft-spoken throughout the night, a hint of an American accent permeating his Korean, but his words were perfectly clear to Jaebum as he began to speak. "You like Jackson, don't you?"

            Jaebum choked on his beer, sputtering incoherently. "I-um- what-...?"

            Mark's lips curved into a subtle smile. "Don't even bother denying it, you were clearly just checking out his ass." Jaebum gaped at Mark across the table and the smile faded from the older's face. "You've also been acting colder towards me since we met. Your handshake wasn't exactly friendly, and I'm not gonna pretend I haven't noticed the looks you've been shooting me all night." Mark sighed. "Jaebum, Jackson and I aren't together." Jaebum's gaze shot up to him, laser-focused even as an embarrassed flush still bloomed in his cheeks. Mark grinned ruefully. "We're best friends; Jackson and I were neighbors when I lived in China as a kid. He stayed with me and my family when he did his semester in the US. We go to the same college and we're roommates." Mark sighed at Jaebum's blank stare. "What I'm saying is, if you like Jackson then go for it; I'm not gonna be an obstacle here." The blond snorted. "Hell, I'll help. You seem like a pretty cool guy and I'm kind of getting the vibe that Jackson might like you too."

            After dropping that bombshell, Mark glanced around, a slight frown creating a furrow between his eyebrows. "Are BamBam and Yugyeom still not back? They went to the bathroom ages ago...." He moved to get up from the table. "Maybe I should go check on them-"

            Jaebum reached out and caught the older's elbow, cheeks burning red with embarrassment but heart slightly lighter with hope. "Nonono, it's fine, M-Mark-hyung, um, I'll go!" he rushed out, springing to his feet. He released Mark's elbow and speed-walked towards the bathroom, feeling the older's gaze on him as he disappeared through the crowd. Finally reached the bathroom he slipped inside and slumped against the door, knocking his head lightly back against the wood. Straightening up, he made his way further into the bathroom. A noise from one of the stalls caught his attention and he moved down the line, pushing open the door to the handicap stall to witness Yugyeom pinning BamBam to the wall as they made out passionately, the shorter's fingers wound tightly into the taller's brown hair as Yugyeom's arms caged him in, one hand tilting the shorter's chin up to make kissing easier.

            Jaebum cleared his throat awkwardly but the two were lost in their own world, not even acknowledging the older's presence. BamBam hooked a leg around Yugyeom's hips and began to grind their crotches together, drawing a garbled moan from the younger. Jaebum whirled around, rushing to get out of the bathroom in order to avoid seeing or hearing anything further. He slowly made his way back to the group's table, a dazed look in his eyes. Mark raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him. Jaebum blinked back at him. "They're.... a bit occupied right now."

            At that moment Jackson arrived back, setting his armful of beers down on the table. "What, are BamBam and Yugyeom making out in the bathroom again?"

            "Making out? _Again??_ " Youngjae squeaked and Mark rolled his eyes, grinning playfully. Jackson began to tease Youngjae and Jaebum smirked, preparing to join in when his cell phone began to ring. Pulling it out of his pocket, his throat went dry at the sight of the caller ID.

 _Manager_.

            "I-I gotta take this," he murmured, ignoring the slightly concerned looks he received from the rest of the group as he began to push his way through the crowd to get to the door.

            Stepping outside, he moved to the entrance of a graffitied alleyway right next to the bowling alley. Swallowing dryly, a ball of nervousness in his throat, he finally hit _Accept_ on the call.

            "Hey, JB!" His manager's voice came through the speaker. "How's the cheek, all healed yet?"

            Jaebum lifted a hand to his face, fingers hovering over the bruised skin above his cheekbone. "N-no, sir, not yet."

            "Mmm," Minhyuk hummed nonchalantly into the phone. "You're probably hurting a bit for money right now, aren't you?"

            Jaebum gulped nervously. "Um.... a bit, sir."

            "Well, you're in luck, I managed to find you a gig. It's not your normal kind of thing, but it pays well and they're willing to overlook the fact that your face isn't as pretty as it usually is. Meet me tomorrow morning around nine am. I'll text you the address. You might want to call in sick to that cashier job you have; I don't know how long this gig is going to take."

            Jaebum nodded, a cold bead of sweat trickling down his neck. "Y-yes, sir." He gulped. "B-but, what exactly-?"

            Minhyuk cut him off mid-question. "Great! Don't forget, nine am sharp!" The call ended abruptly as the other hung up and Jaebum was left standing there, dial tone humming in his ear, confused and with a line of nervous sweat darkening the roots of his hair. He stared at the door of the bowling alley, contemplating going back in, but a slightly unsteady feeling in his gut made his decision for him. He sent a quick text to Jackson before turning and slowly making his way to the bus stop.

 

_Hey Jackson, something came up so I gotta go. I had lots of fun tonight! Tell the guys it was nice to meet them and tell Mark I'll think about what he said. I won't be at the store tomorrow night so don't bother stopping by. See you!_

 

            Jaebum climbed out of a taxi, the morning sun bright in his eyes, and paid the waiting cab driver. He began wandering down the sidewalk as he compared the addresses painted on buildings with the one he had received from Minhyuk on his phone. It was an area of town he had never really been before, rather deserted, the concrete burning hot from the sun even so early and the few cars parked by the curb on either side of the street too dusty to reflect much of a glare. All the buildings were large and industrial-looking, made of steel beams and dusty glass and concrete pillars. Jaebum made his way down a small side street, finally finding the building he was looking for, the address painted in white blocky numbers. He pushed open the door, the ridged sheet metal thin and hot under his fingers. Inside, he was greeted with large abandoned warehouse, sheet plastic hanging from the ceiling and pooling on the floor in some places. Dust motes swirled in the sunbeams filtering through the large grimy windows set high in the walls.

            Jaebum made his way further inside, brow furrowing in confusion. He stood in one spot for a minute or two, but no one made an appearance. Letting out a heavy sigh, he turned to leave when a footstep echoed through the hollow building and an arm wrapped around his chest, holding him in place while a cloth was pressed over his mouth and nose. Jaebum struggled briefly, thrashing in the person's grip, before the sickly sweet scent permeating the cloth overwhelmed him and he fell into blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a lot sooner, sorry for taking so long! Just fyi, the next chapter is kind of..... intense. I personally think I maybe went a bit overboard but everyone who's beta-read it says it was fine, so....... anyways, I'm sorry in advance!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VERY GRAPHIC NONCON.  
> (i'm nervous to post this ahhh...... i apologize in advance)

            When Jaebum came to, it was tied to a metal bedframe, lying on top of a bare mattress, a broken spring jabbing into his back, and fear mixed with the leftover haze of the drug settling terror in his gut. He began to panic, struggling against the ropes holding his wrists to the bedframe, twisting and writhing in an attempt to escape. Suddenly a lean, muscular man appeared above him, his face concealed by a black bandana, and pinned Jaebum to the bed with his legs, effectively stilling the auburn-haired man's struggles. With determined hands, the man ripped open Jaebum's shirt, sending buttons flying. He ran rough fingers along the bared skin, pinching a nipple and rolling it between his fingertips, causing Jaebum to bite back an unwilling moan as the bud stiffened, his hips jerking upward slightly. In response the man groped at Jaebum's crotch, palming him through his jeans and drawing a real moan from the man beneath him. Deft fingers unbuttoned Jaebum's pants and they were quickly pulled down, revealing his naked lower half. A few wolf-whistles and whoops of approval sounded around them and Jaebum glanced around, breath quickening as he surveyed the multitude of men surrounding the bed he was tied to.

            The man above Jaebum managed to draw his attention back in an instant as two spit-slick fingers prodded at his entrance, the burn of an unprepped stretch causing Jaebum to keen slightly in pain as they pushed their way inside. The man hooked Jaebum's leg up, pumping his fingers in and out, the friction unpleasant as the saliva-produced slide wore away.  The man added a third finger and Jaebum jerked, trying to squirm away from the painful intrusion. Any of the unwilling arousal Jaebum had felt quickly faded as the excruciating finger fucking continued. A muffled sob caught in Jaebum's throat as the man's fingers found his prostrate, prodding at the sensitive bundle of nerves until desperate gasps were dropping from Jaebum's lips, his body aroused despite the pain. A hand wrapped around his half-hard dick and began to jerk him off, the assault on his prostrate and the friction on his dick overwhelming the protesting part of his brain with pleasure. Within minutes he was shuddering through an orgasm, tears brimming in his eyes as shame flooded in post afterglow. 

            The man above him barely paused, taking his now cum-covered hand and fisting his own cock, lubing up with Jaebum's semen. He lined up with Jaebum's entrance and began to push in, barely giving the auburn-haired man any time to adjust before starting to set a pace. Within minutes he was pistoning in and out quickly, grunting with each thrust, as gasps fell from Jaebum's lips and tears streamed down his face, the pain from the almost-raw fucking mixing with a strange mixture of pleasure and agony as every other thrust struck his over-sensitive prostrate straight on. The man raping him began grunting more harshly as he began to pound into Jaebum harder and faster, driving pained cries from the man beneath him. His rhythm stuttered and he buried himself balls-deep in the auburn-haired man, releasing his load deep within the other's ass. Jaebum sobbed at the feeling of hot sperm filling his bowels, a bit of the liquid dribbling out as the man above him pulled out, smacking Jaebum's ass hard enough to leave a red handprint as he did so.

            "That's a damn good fuck." The men around the bed started back up with their catcalls and whistling and Jaebum shuddered in fear and anguish, yanking fruitlessly at the ropes tied around his wrists. Another man with a bandana covering his face climbed onto the bed, pants and underwear already discarded, taking the place of the first man. He began to move towards Jaebum and the auburn-haired man lashed out, kicking at him, aiming specifically for his very prominent boner. The man caught Jaebum's ankle mid-kick, his grip tight enough to bruise, and tutted.

            "We got more rope, right?" Within moments he'd been passed a loop of rope and he took his time tying it around Jaebum's knee and then to the bedframe, stopping Jaebum from closing his legs and leaving his ass wide open. The man roughly shoved two fingers in, fingering Jaebum viciously. "Now this hole's wide open for us to use." The men around the bed began to jeer and the man fingering Jaebum shoved his fingers in deeper. "You're all hot and tight and, thanks to the last guy, you're all wet inside too. Perfect for my dick." He pulled his fingers out and slapped Jaebum's ass in the same place the last guy had, leaving overlapping red handprints. After a few strokes on his own cock and lewd encouragement from the "audience", the second man lined himself up with Jaebum's entrance and shoved inside, setting a harsh pace where every vicious snap of his hips hit directly on Jaebum's prostrate, the auburn-haired man crying out sharply at each thrust. It didn't take long for the smooth slide provided by the last man's cum and the constant assault on his prostrate to cause Jaebum's body to betray him, pleasure and arousal sparking through his gut as the rapist continued to fuck into him. A few more thrusts and he was half hard, the men surrounding the bed crowing at the sight. The man raping Jaebum began to jerk his cock in time with his thrusts and by the time he emptied his load into Jaebum's ass the auburn-haired man was fully hard. 

            The third man's penis was wider than the first two, and the stretch had Jaebum groaning and a few slow thrusts that dragged deliciously against his prostrate had him coming a second time. It wasn't until the sixth man had buried his cock in Jaebum and the piercing in the head of the man's penis had dug directly into Jaebum's prostrate that the redhead came for the third time, dry and painful from overstimulation as the next man prepped for his turn by shoving his dick down Jaebum's throat. A few slaps to the face, one directly on the already bruised cheek, had been enough to convince Jaebum that biting would get him nowhere. After all the men had gone at least once, some twice, and Jaebum's asshole was leaking a constant trickle of sperm, the gang rape finally seemed to end. 

            Jaebum lay fucked out on the mattress, covered in cum and sweat with dried tear stains on his cheeks, when Minhyuk walked into the room, accompanied by another man. 

            "So, how was it?" Minhyuk asked. 

            "Exactly what we were looking for," the other man replied. "He's an amazing actor."

            "I'm glad I could help." Minhyuk's tone was incredibly smug. 

            "You'll get me that consent form by the end of today, right? I made an exception for you but we need it in order to publish."

            "Yes, of course."

            "Good." There was a pause before the other man turned to the men who had raped Jaebum, all of whom were slipping back into their pants and untying their bandanas. "Great job, all of you! Your money will be in your bank accounts by tomorrow at the latest." The men all filed out of the room, discussing quietly together, and the man addressed Minhyuk again. "I can leave you to clean him up, right? I have a meeting to get to, but a cleaning crew will be by later to take care of the rest."

            "Yeah, of course, go ahead." The other man hurried out of the building and Jaebum was left alone with Minhyuk, still tied to the bedframe as the man slowly approached. 

            "My, don't you look _wrecked_ ," Minhyuk purred, stroking his fingers through Jaebum's hair. "I suppose you would like an explanation?" Jaebum couldn't find his voice to respond but Minhyuk smirked and continued anyways. "This was a porn shoot. A gang rape porn shoot, to be specific. I normally turn this kind of offer down but, well, it's not like you were going to be doing much anyways." He moved his hand from Jaebum's hair, beginning to play with a nipple, rolling it in between his fingers and drawing a gasp from the bound man. "You can't really blame the guys who did it; they were just poor kids looking to make a buck. As far as they know, it was all consensual." Minhyuk's hand skimmed down farther, brushing Jaebum's penis and causing the younger to hiss at the touch on his over-sensitive skin, before reaching his hole and dipping a finger inside, hooking at the stretched out rim and allowing a dribble of cum to leak out. "Oh, you're going to be leaking for DAYS, aren't you. Hmm, suppose I should mention, all of them were clean. Part of the requirement for the job, you see. Had them all tested ourselves." Minhyuk inserted two fingers, scissoring them wide and watching semen dribble out. "How many loads is this? Around eleven, is that right?" He pulled his fingers out and wiped them on the mattress. "Ah, young people and their stamina." His hands went to the front of his pants, palming at the visible tent there. He unbuttoned and unzipped them, pushing them down his legs along with his boxers. "Might as well make it an even dozen then."

            Jaebum's eyes widened and he began to thrash against the ropes, viciously shaking his head no. The raw skin beneath the ropes stung but he ignored it as Minhyuk shed his pants and underwear completely before clambering onto the mattress with a look of distaste. "I would like to do this with my pants still on, but frankly there's no way to do that without getting them messy."

            "No," Jaebum whispered, voice rough from screaming, as Minhyuk bottomed out in one stroke, driving the air from the younger's lungs with the strength of the thrust. The man began to fuck in and out of Jaebum, his strokes slow and languishing but seating fully with each thrust. It was not long before Minhyuk was groaning, buried completely in Jaebum's ass as he came deep inside him. He pulled out, watching with sick satisfaction as his sperm trickled out of Jaebum's abused hole. 

            "I wonder," he murmured, sliding two fingers and stroking at Jaebum's stretched walls before adding a third and then a fourth. It was when he began to inch his thumb in that Jaebum realized what the older man was trying to do and once again began to struggle, the rope holding his leg up digging into the soft skin behind his knee. Minhyuk tsk'ed, pinning Jaebum's hips with his free hand as he twisted the other, trying to get it to slide in. Jaebum keened with pain as his rim slowly stretched to allow the widest part of Minhyuk's hand in before closing back around his wrist. Minhyuk stared at his arm in awe, his hand disappearing inside Jaebum's body. He opened and closed his fist several times, experimenting, and Jaebum couldn't hold back a moan as Minhyuk's fingers pressed into his battered prostrate. Minhyuk smirked and, making a fist, began to run his knuckles over that incredibly over-sensitive bundle of nerves, twisting his hand back and forth. Jaebum's hips jerked against Minhyuk's hold and he let out an agonized cry as he orgasmed dry for the fourth time, tremors wracking his body.

            Minhyuk pulled his hand from Jaebum's ass, leering smugly at the boy as he continued to tremble involuntarily, his mind so overloaded that he couldn't even form biting words to say. Minhyuk ran his hand through Jaebum's hair, cleaning it of cum among the auburn strands, before he clambered off the bed, redressing quickly. Pulling out a pocketknife, he finally cut Jaebum free but all the redhead could do was crumple into a boneless heap, rope burn marks red on his wrists and knee. 

            "You need to sign this," Minhyuk said, waving a piece of paper in the air. "It's the consent form. If it's not signed, you don't get paid. More importantly, _I_ don't get paid." Jaebum somehow found the strength to turn his head and glare. Minhyuk snorted. "Yeah, I figured you wouldn't be willing. Luckily," he took hold of Jaebum's wrist, the younger weakly trying to pull away to no avail. "I only need your fingerprint, and with how weak you are right now, you can't really stop me from getting it." Minhyuk shoved Jaebum's thumb into the ink of a procured ink pad before forcefully pressing it onto the consent form. Dropping Jaebum's arm, Minhyuk considered his handiwork. "That'll do." He glanced back at Jaebum, who was struggling to push himself upright and sighed. "Your clothes are under the bed. I'll leave a car outside to take you home once you're ready. Your money will be deposited into your account by tomorrow at the latest. Trust me, for that amount? This was totally worth it." He strolled out of the room, leaving Jaebum behind in a mess of cum and sweat, fresh tears beginning to streak down his cheeks. 

 

            Someone was pounding on the front door. Jaebum could hear it, a heavier rhythm contrasting the staccato patter of water on tile, but he did not move to open it. He stayed  where he was, seated on the floor of his shower, hair and clothes soaked through under the spray that had long ago turned cold.

            The pounding stopped.

            A few moments later, the bathroom door swung open and Hongbin crept in tentatively, his footsteps quiet. “Jaebum,” he murmured, spotting his friend’s hunched form through the frosted glass of the shower doors. He moved to slide the door back, reaching towards Jaebum but recoiling as the spray of the shower hit his skin. “God, Jae, that’s freezing!” He scrambled to shut off the icy water before reaching for his friend again, fingers skimming along the sleeve of his soaked-through white dress shirt before he settled his hand on the younger’s back. “Jesus, Jae, _you’re_ freezing.”

            Jaebum’s head dropped lower, his shoulders curling in on themselves, but he made no move to climb out of the shower.

            Hongbin sighed and began to shed his socks, rolling up the cuffs of his jeans. He climbed into the shower with Jaebum, grimacing as leftover cold water splashed against his toes. Leaning down, he slid his hands through Jaebum’s armpits, pulling him carefully upright. As he did so, the younger’s soaked shirt fell open, revealing darkening bruises in the shape of fingertips pressed harshly into the line of his hips. Hongbin gasped, his eyes shooting to Jaebum’s face, the shorter’s eyes hidden behind his dripping bangs but the bruising on his cheek stark against sickly pale skin. “Jaebum,” Hongbin whispered, “what happened?"

            Jaebum’s head dropped lower, his shoulders shaking, before he suddenly toppled forward, wrapping his arms around Hongbin as he buried his face in the taller’s chest, sobs ripping themselves viciously from his lungs as he clutched desperately at the fabric of the older’s shirt.

            Hongbin froze momentarily before his arms came up to encircle the sobbing boy, pulling him tighter to his chest even as the cold water still dripping from the younger’s body began to soak into the older’s clothes.

            Even as the tears began to taper off and the sobs began to quiet, Hongbin held onto his friend, growing steadily more worried as shivers wracked the smaller’s body and feverish heat burned through his clothes. Finally Jaebum was silent, the tears stopping though he still clung tightly to Hongbin’s shirt. Hongbin stroked a hand through the shorter’s auburn hair, almost missing the near-silent words Jaebum whispered into his chest.

             “I couldn’t stop them, hyung.” Hongbin’s hand froze in Jaebum’s hair as the younger took a shuddering breath. “They… tied me up, hyung, and I couldn’t get away.” Hongbin’s breath caught in his throat and he unconsciously clutched Jaebum tighter, as if his arms could protect the younger from the world. “I can’t help but remember… the first time, hyung,” Jaebum’s voice cracked. “I can’t stop seeing it in my head.” He suddenly swayed in Hongbin’s arms and the older hurried to steady him.

            The veiled anguish in Hongbin’s voice was clear though he struggled to conceal it. “We should get you in bed, Jae, you’re dead on your feet and you’re burning up too.”

            Jaebum’s tone was self-deprecating and full of bitter humor. “That might be harder than you think; I’m a bit of a mess under these clothes. Didn’t really have the energy to clean up.” The tensing of Hongbin’s shoulders asked the question he was too afraid to voice and Jaebum answered as non-chalantly as possible. “No condoms.” Hongbin’s eyes flew wide open even as Jaebum continued, his tone unnaturally light. “Minhyuk said they were all clean, but I should probably still get tested, huh?”

            Hongbin’s jaw clenched in anger. “How many? How many guys?”

            Jaebum shrugged. “Seven? Eight if you count….”

            Fury flashed in Hongbin’s eyes. “I’m going to kill that fucking bastard.”

            Jaebum laughed weakly as if Hongbin were joking before his vision flickered and his knees gave out, causing him to nearly fall before the older’s strong arms held him up. “Hongbin-hyung,” the younger man muttered, “I think I’m gonna pass out.” The world shuddered; fluttering in and out of existence until, for the second time that day, Jaebum’s vision went black.

 

            Three days later, Jaebum was back at work at the convenience store, a second bruise dark over the partially healed first, raw and reddened skin encircling his wrists, and a slight limp in his step. That was the image that greeted Jackson as he stepped into the store that night for the first time in what felt like forever. Concern immediately entered his expression and voice as he exclaimed, “Your cheek was healing so well! What happened?”

            Jaebum chuckled, resisting the urge to reach up and touch the tender area. “The power went out in my apartment complex and I ran into a door in the dark.”

            Jackson reached out to Jaebum, taking hold of the older’s chin and turning his face to the side to get a better view of his cheek. Something clenched in Jaebum’s gut and he flinched back, pretending the hurt expression on Jackson’s face didn’t dig needles into his heart.

            Jackson tried to laugh it off, but it was clear he was confused and a bit hurt. To lighten the atmosphere, he attempted a weak joke. “You should stop running into things; you’re not as pretty with your face all bruised up!”

            _“You won’t be as pretty with your face all bruised up.”_

            The years-old memory hit Jaebum like a freight train and he recoiled, curling in on himself as a hand came up to twist in his hair. Jackson’s worried cry of his name didn’t even register until the blond reached out and grasped the other man’s wrist, gasping as he noticed the raw and red skin circling it for the first time. “Jaebum, what-”

            “I think you should go,” Jaebum choked out, yanking his wrist out of Jackson’s grip.

            Jackson’s jaw set in determination and he started forward, moving into Jaebum’s personal space. “No, I want to know why-”

            Jackson was too close. Too _goddamnclose_. Jaebum gasped for air, stumbling backwards, but Jackson only moved forward, unaware that it was his proximity that was the problem. In a last ditch attempt, Jaebum shoved past Jackson and burst into the bathroom, locking the door behind him before sliding to the floor, breath catching in his throat and refusing to go anywhere else. He choked for air, breathing in short pants that did nothing for the burning in his lungs. Outside the door it was silent.

             “…Jaebum?” came Jackson’s tentative voice, barely registering through the panicked fog in Jaebum’s brain. “Are you okay?” Jackson’s voice cracked. “What happened to trigger… this?” He sounded so small, like he was about to cry. “Did I make it worse? Is this… my fault?”

            Jaebum sank to the floor, curling into a ball with his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound of Jackson’s anguished voice. In the process, he trapped himself inside his own head with his own pleading screams and memories that he had never wanted unburied, drowning in them as he gasped for air.

 

_One Month Later_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep..... so there you go. As previously stated, I personally think I might have gone a little overboard on this chapter (I'M SO SORRY)...... what do you guys think? Please review and I'll post the next chapter hopefully pretty soon!


	5. Chapter 5

_One Month Later_

 

            “What are you looking at?” Kim Jiwon asked, reaching across the bar and snatching Jaebum’s phone out of his hand.

             “Yah!” Jaebum exclaimed, swiping at him to get it back but failing as the other man held it out of reach while reading the text aloud. 

            "' _Hyung, you don't come to the store anymore. Is it because of me? I miss you......._ ' What is this, your ex or something?"

            Jaebum finally succeeded in snatching his phone back and locked the screen, glaring at the brown-haired man sitting on the other side of the bar. Jiwon grinned back and Jaebum clicked his tongue, giving in. "Not exactly, but why do you even care?"

            Jiwon's grin widened and he raked his gaze up and down Jaebum's body, taking in the white button up with the sleeves rolled up and the top few buttons left open, tucked into the tight fitting black dress pants, his chestnut brown hair artfully mussed. "If you're on the market, I might be willing to make a bid."

            Jaebum whacked Jiwon with the towel he used to wipe down the bar. "Stop that, you. As bartender I reserve the right to toss you out of here." He tucked the towel back through the waistband of his green apron. "Don't you have a boyfriend, anyways?"

            Jiwon straightened up indignantly. "' _You_ '?? I'm your elder, you know, you could at least call me hyung!" He leaned his elbow on the polished mahogany of the bar, resting his chin in his hand. "And relationships aren't permanent, you know. Who knows, I could break up with him any day now."

            Jaebum snorted. "Yeah, right, I haven't even seen you with him and I can still tell you're whipped. If anything, he'll be the one to dump your man-child ass, _hyung_."

            Jiwon stuck his tongue out at the younger. "Yeah, whatever, you jerk." He slid his empty glass across the bar. "Gimme another whiskey."

            Jaebum grabbed the glass, glancing around the near-empty bar. "What are you even doing here on a Tuesday night? Don't you have work tomorrow?"

            Jiwon shrugged, taking his refilled drink back from Jaebum. "Meeting up with a friend. I know the bar's normally dead in the middle of the week, and I'm friendly with the bartender," he winked at Jaebum, "so I thought it would be as good a place as any."

            Jaebum glared at Jiwon playfully. "Alright, I'll allow it, but your friend better tip."

            Jiwon chuckled in response. "He's a university student, so he's broke as hell." Jaebum pouted at the older and Jiwon grinned, reaching across the bar to pat the other's shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll tip you double to make up for it."

            Jaebum nodded, an exaggerated expression of satisfaction on his face, when the bell on the bar's front door tinkled, drawing both his and Jiwon's attention. The bottom dropped out of Jaebum's stomach at the sight of familiar ashy blond hair. 

            "Mark!" exclaimed Jiwon, rising from his seat to clasp hands with the blond and pull him into a hug. Jaebum took the opportunity to avert his eyes, shakily polishing an already clean glass to have something to occupy his hands with. Mark's gaze seemed to burn into him with its quiet intensity. 

            "Jaebum." The chestnut-haired man tensed at the sound of the older man's soft voice, slowly looking up to meet his eyes. 

            "Mark," he replied evenly, voice tight. 

            Jiwon looked back and forth between the two. "Wait, you guys know each other?" He seemed to finally notice the tense atmosphere as Jaebum shifted uncomfortably. The brown-haired man's eyes widened and he turned to Jaebum, stage-whispering as he pointed a thumb at Mark, "Wait, he's not the ex, is he?"

            Jaebum's jaw clenched. "Jiwon-hyung," he muttered, "please shut up. I don't care if you're older than me, I _will_  throw you out of this bar."

            Jiwon looked taken aback and a furrow appeared between Mark's eyebrows. "Ex? Do you mean... Jackson?" Jaebum's heart clenched at the sound of his name. 

            Jiwon leaned over to Mark, whispering in a voice not as quiet as he thought it was, "He's been re-reading month old texts from this guy with a dopey expression on his-"

            "Kim. Jiwon." Jaebum grit out, his teeth clenched and his gaze icy. "Do you _want_ me to kick you out?"

            Mark sighed, something in his expression softening. "He misses you too, you know." Jaebum's gaze shot to Mark and the older fixed him with a serious look. "You should talk to him."

            Jaebum bristled. "I'm not going to-"

            "Yes, you are," Mark said, crossing his arms. "If you won't talk to him on your own, I'll tell him that you work here and he'll come find you himself." Mark quirked an eyebrow at Jaebum's aggravated look. "You already quit your job at the convenience store to avoid him, what, are you going to quit this job too?"

            Jaebum sighed heavily, resignation and frustration clear in his expression. " _Fine_ , I'll talk to him."

            Mark smiled, his face lighting up. "Great! We're going to karaoke on Friday at that place near the university. You should come; it would be a good ice breaker and things won't be as awkward with the rest of the group there." Jaebum nodded reluctantly and Mark turned to Jiwon. "Ready to head out?"

            Jiwon blinked. "Um, yeah." He pulled out his wallet, sliding several 20,000 won bills across the polished mahogany. "Your tip," he muttered to Jaebum, before turning and following Mark out of the bar. 

            Jaebum picked up the money, tucking it into the back pocket of his dress pants, before slumping over the bar and burying his face in his hands, groaning in frustration. 

 

            A few nights later Jaebum entered a different bar, this one slighter cheaper than the one he worked at with a scuffed wood dance floor, a bar with slightly too many multicolored lights and a bored-looking bartender, and a tacky-looking stage with a karaoke microphone and a slightly inebriated BamBam hanging off of it and hollering off-key Miley Cyrus lyrics while a clearly drunk Youngjae giggled and tried to pull the younger away as he continued to butcher “Wrecking Ball”. The sight of a familiar white-blond head bouncing up and down as Jackson cheered heartily for his friends, shoulders shaking with laughter, was enough to make Jaebum’s stomach flip-flop nervously. He swallowed dryly and eyed the bar; despite the fact that all their alcohol was probably cheap and watered down, a little liquid courage couldn’t hurt, right? Jaebum made his decision and took a step in the direction of the bar, before a voice shouted over the sound of off-key singing and stopped him dead in his tracks.

             “Jaebum, you made it!” Jaebum turned and saw Mark, a grin on his face as he gave a small wave. Jaebum’s gaze shot over to Jackson and dread dropped into his stomach as he saw the blond man turning towards him, his expression a mixture of surprise, hurt, confusion, and a hint of guarded hope. Jaebum swallowed dryly again before hesitantly making his way over to the group.

             “….Hey, Mark-hyung,” he muttered quietly, scuffing his foot against the floor and giving the older a wan and shaky smile. “Thanks for inviting me,” Jaebum continued awkwardly, tongue dashing out to nervously wet his lips.

            Mark grinned back, his smile carefree, but there was a tightness around his eyes that belayed the fact that he could feel the sudden tension in the group as well. "Thanks for showing up!" The lightness in Mark's voice came across vaguely forced. "Wrecking Ball" continued to play in the background, the instrumental sounding strange as BamBam and Youngjae had both fallen silent, staring dumbfounded at Jaebum like the rest of the group. Jaebum could feel Jackson's eyes burning a hole through him, but he couldn't bring himself to meet the other man's gaze. 

            Finally Mark broke the awkward silence, clearing his throat loudly. "Jaebum-ah, how about you sit down?" The older man stood up, gesturing toward the bench-like seat of the booth. Jaebum shot him a betrayed look, mouth going suddenly dry as he tentatively sat on the very edge of the seat, doing his best to keep the maximum amount of distance between himself and Jackson, Mark's previous benchmate. That plan was quickly foiled though, as Mark nudged Jaebum's shoulder. "Hey, scoot over, would you? If we squish together we can definitely fit all three of us on here."

            Jaebum's eyes quickly darted towards Jackson before fixating on the fake-looking wood grain of the cheap bar table. Biting his lip nervously, Jaebum slid a minuscule amount to his left. He barely registered the quiet, disgruntled sigh from Mark before he was being shoved sideways, the older man squeezing onto the seat while simultaneously pushing Jaebum onto the bench until his thigh was almost flush with Jackson's. 

            Jaebum still couldn't bring himself to meet the younger man's eyes, his own gaze fixed into the manufactured lines in the tabletop. His fingers played awkwardly with the bottom hem of his t-shirt, pulling at and twisting the fabric. Jaebum was vaguely aware of Mark trying to rekindle conversation, of the off-key notes of BamBam's singing tentatively starting up again before a wasted Youngjae stole the mic, singing enthusiastically if not a little loudly along to the American pop music. Jaebum's brain absentmindedly noted that the younger boy had a pretty decent voice, but it was preoccupied with registering the suspicious, rather unfriendly looks Yugyeom and BamBam were shooting him and deciding to start it's descent into panic mode. Jaebum swallowed thickly, his gaze still focused on the table and his hands violently twisting in the fabric of his shirt as frantic thoughts rushed through his mind. _Oh god, I shouldn't have come, they all hate me, I should have just told Mark I wouldn’t come, why did I decide I should do this in person, I knew this was a bad idea-_

            Fingertips gently brushed Jaebum's arm and he flinched away as if burned, his thoughts stuttering to a halt. Teeth worrying at his lip, Jaebum glanced up at Jackson, meeting the other man's gaze head-on for the first time that night. The conflict and confusion Jaebum saw there almost caused him to flinch away again and he quickly broke eye contact, hands moving to pick at loose threads from the rips in his jeans. _Why does he still affect me like this? It doesn’t matter anyway, after tonight he’ll be gone for good, I’ll make sure of it, he doesn’t need a toxic person like me in his life-_  

            "Hey," Jackson's voice was soft but also guarded and Jaebum couldn't help but wince. "Can we talk?"

            Jaebum took a shallow, shaky breath. He nodded. A quiet, tentative "sure" made its way past his lips. _This is it._  

            Jackson's hand wrapped around Jaebum's wrist, his touch hot like fire. "Jaebum and I are going to the bathroom," the younger man announced to the group at large as he pulled the brunet from the booth. Nobody called them out on the fact that they were clearly going the opposite direction from the bathrooms. 

            They went down a hallway, Jackson's hand still burning around Jaebum's wrist, the younger shoving open the door at the end of the hallway and taking the both of them out into the chilly night air. Once they were both out in the alleyway, Jackson released Jaebum, turning to face the older man. Jaebum forced himself to raise his gaze from the ground and meet Jackson's eyes, a wave of nostalgia and longing washing over him as he looked at the other. _Stop. You don’t deserve him, you never have, so do what you need to do._

            After visibly swallowing, Jackson seemed to steady himself, crossing his arms and throwing the ball into Jaebum's court with a single word, "Explain."

            Jaebum straightened his back, swallowing tightly. Vicious thorns dug painfully into his heart at what he was about to do. “Explain? Why? What is there to explain?”

            Jackson stared back in disbelief. “ _What is there to explain?_ I don’t know, how about the way you came into the store a total mess that day, and then you just fell apart on me and locked me out? I waited outside that bathroom for over an hour, Jaebum, and you just walked out and shoved past me like nothing had happened! Then you- you _left_ , and the store owner said you quit and-" Jackson cut himself off, his breath hitching as he ran a hand over his face, refusing to look at Jaebum. “What are you even doing here in the first place?”

            Jaebum sighed heavily even as he could feel his heart shredding itself to pieces. He schooled his expression and tone into one of annoyance. “Mark is apparently friends with a regular customer at the bar I work at; they met up there the other night and he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone until I agreed to come talk to you.”

            Jackson seemed to be struggling to keep his emotions at bay as he asked, "You work at a bar now?"

            Jaebum nodded, keeping his face innocuously bored. "I'm a bartender."

            Jackson's control broke. 

            "Why- why are you acting like this? I was fucking worried about you, Jaebum, and you just brushed me off and cut me out like I didn’t even matter to you, and you know what? That fucking _hurt_! And now-? You’re the one who came here, who started this again, but you’re acting like you don’t even want to be here! I- Goddamnit, Jaebum, I thought we were _friends_!”

            Jackson’s chest was heaving and there was a telling wetness to his eyes. Jaebum looked at him, his gaze detached, before opening his mouth to say the cold words that even sent a feeling of ice through his own veins. “Why the hell would you think that?” Jaebum could see the widening of Jackson’s eyes, the naked confusion on his face, and willed himself to push onwards. _Set him free already, goddamnit._ “Why would you think we were friends? You’re just someone who was a regular customer. Maybe you were fun to talk to, yeah, but I’ve never thought of you as my friend. Hell, you don’t even know anything about me!”

            Jaebum witnessed the moment Jackson’s expression closed off, feeling the ripping pain in his heart as he knew the words had done their job.

             “Yeah, apparently I don’t.” Jackson’s voice was flat, cold, distinctly unfriendly. The task Jaebum had come to do was done, and he had never been more miserable. “I’m glad that I finally know where you stand.” Jackson started to turn away before briefly looking back, a moment of hesitation that seemed almost like a brief spark of hope that the older would take back his cruel words. The deafening silence snuffed the spark out, and a world-weary sigh left Jackson’s lips. “Goodbye, Jaebum.” With those final words, Jackson turned away completely and pushed the door to the karaoke bar open, disappearing inside. Once he was gone, Jaebum’s mask cracked. A broken sob escaped from the throbbing wound in his chest and made its way out his throat. He turned and began to walk, tears pouring down his cheeks as he left the alley and Jackson behind him.

 

            Over the next week Jaebum worked himself to the bone. He took extra shifts at the bar, working overtime when he could. He even threw himself into his camwork with more vigor; anything to drown out the throbbing pain in his chest that was his bleeding, broken heart. Jaebum was almost relieved on the days his manager fucked him brutally after a cam session or photoshoot; certainly, if he’d deserved it before he most definitely deserved it now. There were a few times he contemplated calling Hongbin and crying on his friend’s shoulder but Jaebum quickly discounted that idea. Hongbin already cleaned up enough of his messes as it was, he didn’t need to be burdened with Jaebum’s petty broken heart too. And what gave Jaebum the right to seek comfort over something like this? No, it was better to suffer in silence, to just drown out the feeling as best he could until it finally faded enough to be nearly forgotten.

            Jaebum kept all these things in mind but there comes a time when every person reaches their breaking point. Jaebum’s came on a Friday night, five days after he’d shredded his own heart in the process of breaking Jackson’s. It was almost midnight and Jaebum was limping down the street in one of the more rundown parts of Seoul. He was a bit far from home, but that was to be expected since his manager had thrown the brunet out of the car almost as soon as he pulled his cock out of the younger’s ass. Jaebum stumbled, a flash of pain shooting through the base of his spine. He let out a hysterical laugh before collapsing onto the sidewalk and burying his face in his hands. God, he hurt. His ass was throbbing, he was going to have bruises from the rough fucking he’d received in the backseat of the car, his palms were stinging where they’d scraped concrete, and his heart….. well. His heart felt like it had been run over by a train and then stuffed in a wood chipper.

            Another hysterical laugh made its way past Jaebum’s lips, morphing halfway into a sob on its way out. He raised his head, gazing up at the night sky. The stars were mostly covered by the city’s light pollution, bare pinpricks of light muted beacons against the hazy sky. Jaebum made to drop his head back into his hands when a glowing neon sign across the street caught his attention. _Liquor store._

            Before he knew it he was somehow across the street, pushing open the store’s door. The interior was familiar, similar to the convenience store Jaebum had worked at for so many months. Making his way to the alcohol aisle, Jaebum grabbed as many soju bottles as he could carry. He walked up to the counter, dumping the green glass bottles by the register. The cashier raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, giving Jaebum a once-over before shrugging and beginning to ring up his items.

             “Nine bottles of soju, that’ll be 18,000 won.”

            Jaebum hesitated momentarily before reaching for his wallet. Pulling it out, he produced the credit card he reserved for emergencies and passed it to the cashier. _Does this count as an emergency? It feels like it does._ Minutes later he was back outside the store, slowly making his way home with a slight limp in his step and a heavy bag of alcohol hanging at his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ₩18,000 = about $16
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long to come out, I've been waiting to post it since I rewrote half of it which means I have to write like two extra chapters in between this one and the next one I have finished.... I haven't finished those chapters yet but it's been a while so I'm posting this anyways. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow would you look at that, I'm not dead! It's been over a year but magically I am somehow back. Many thanks to @jakalskdha for leaving the review that inspired me to come back to this story, and of course thanks to everyone else who has left me comments. I hope you enjoy!

            After leaving the liquor store, Jaebum slowly limped a block or two away before the toe of his shoe caught on the edge of a crack in the sidewalk and he stumbled, almost falling. That single instance of losing control was the catalyst that broke through the cracking mask of strength he had been barely holding together, sending him crumbling apart as he collapsed on the edge of the sidewalk, perched precariously on the curb.

            Reaching into the shopping bag, Jaebum fished out a bottle of soju and cracked the cap open, bringing it to his lips and taking deep gulps of the alcohol. It lacked the burn of harder liquor but had the clean taste of vodka, yet slightly sweeter. Eventually a bit of liquid went down the wrong pipe and Jaebum had to stop drinking, coughing harshly. Before long, though, the bottle was back to his lips. He didn’t care that he was miles from his apartment, collapsed on the sidewalk in the middle of Seoul in the dead of night. He didn’t care that he was a sitting duck, made even more vulnerable as he got increasingly intoxicated. After all, what could someone do to him that hadn’t already been done? Rape him? Nothing new, it already happened every other night. Rob him? He had practically nothing worth taking. Kill him? It wasn’t like anyone would notice he was gone. So, common-sense be damned, Jaebum drank and drank and drank until his vision was blurred and the sharp shards of pain in his heart were dulled.

            Through the darkness and swimming haze, a familiar voice echoed, “Jesus Christ, Jaebum.”

            _Were his eyes open? He couldn’t tell._ “H’ngb’n?”                        

            “Yeah, Jaebum, it’s me. C’mon, let’s get you up.”

 _Movement. Hands pulling him upright. Momentary panic-! Oh, familiar hands._ “H’ngbi, wha’ ‘re you doin’ h’re?”

            A grunt of effort. “You called me. It’s not surprising you don’t remember, with how fucking drunk you are. I swear, Jaeb-”

            _Lurching movement. Oh god, can’t concentrate on the voice anymore, gonna-_ A wet splattering as puke hit the concrete. A hand gently patted Jaebum’s back. “Yeah, buddy, get it all out. You’re lucky you don’t have alcohol poisoning.” The person moved away slightly, keeping a hand on Jaebum’s arm to keep him upright. “Jaehwan-hyung! Pull the car up over h- Oh shit, Jaebum-!” The world tipped sideways, finally going completely black.

 

            The first thing Jaebum felt when he returned to consciousness was an excruciating pounding in every cell of his brain. The second thing was intense, overwhelming nausea. Eyes screwed shut, he reached blindly into thin air past the edge of the surface he was laying on, searching sightlessly beyond the red-tinged darkness of his closed eyelids, before relief shot through him as his hand encountered something resembling a container. He grabbed at it, angling his body sideways and violently upheaving into whatever it was he had grabbed, gagging until there was nothing but bile left. Collapsing backwards, eyes still shut, he moaned loudly as his head throbbed viciously, the pain seeming to radiate out and encompass the entirety of his being.

            “So,” came a voice, followed by light footsteps, “the sleeping beauty awakes.”

            Jaebum finally cracked his eyes open, squinting up at his friend. “H’ngbin?”

            The older man nodded, slightly blurry in Jaebum’s disoriented vision, and crossed his arms. “Yep, that’s me.”

            Sitting up slightly, Jaebum peered around the place from his prone position on what he soon identified as a couch. “This- this isn’ my apartment, Hongbin-hy’ng, where-?”

            A sigh. “This is my place, Jaebum, I brought you here last night? After you called me, drunk off your ass at three am?” Hongbin’s voice rose both in pitch and in volume, “What the _fuck_ were you thinking, Jaebum, huh? Don’t you know how _dangerous_ that was?”

            Jaebum winced, one hand rising slightly in a weak attempt to protect his ears. “C’n- c’n you speak a lil quieter? Please?”

            “No, I can’t!” Hongbin yelled, causing Jaebum to flinch away. The older man sighed, a little bit of remorse bleeding into his expression. “I’m sorry. But do you know how worried I was, Jaebum? My friend, one of my _best friends_ , called me at three am, sobbing and so drunk he was practically incoherent. What would have happened if I hadn’t been able to find you? What were you _thinking_?” Hongbin collapsed into the armchair adjacent to the couch, running his hands down his face.

            Jaebum swallowed thickly, guilt bubbling in his throat. “I- I’m sorry, Hongbin, I didn’t-” He began to worry at his lip with his teeth. “Wasn’t thinking, ‘m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I shouldn’t’ve called you-”

            “No,” Hongbin cut the younger man off, “no, Jaebum, the one thing I’m glad you did last night was call me.” A pleading look flashed across his face. “I’m your _friend_ , Jae! I care about you, and I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t tell me when you need my help.” He sighed, standing. “Wait here a second, I’ll get you a glass of water and some ibuprofen.”

            Disappearing through a doorway into what Jaebum knew to be the kitchen, Hongbin soon returned with the promised items. Jaebum quickly downed the pills, gulping the water gratefully as it eased the taste of bile still on his tongue.

            Hongbin settled back into the chair across from Jaebum, watching as the younger man gradually pulled himself upright, clutching the glass of water with a blanket sprawled haphazardly across his folded legs. “So, are we gonna talk about what’s going on with you?” Spotting the flash of stubborn defiance in Jaebum’s eyes, Hongbin set his jaw. “Scratch that, we’re talking about what’s going on with you.”

            Jaebum seemed to deflate slightly. “There’s nothin’ going on. I‘m fine.”

            Hongbin nodded, his expression deadpan. “Mhmm. That’s definitely what the five and a half bottles of soju you managed to down last night had to say.”

            Jaebum glanced away guiltily, chewing on his lip. Hongbin let out a soft sigh. “Okay, let me hedge a guess here. Does it have something to do with Jackson?”

            Jaebum’s eyes shot to Hongbin’s face before darting away again. “W-wha’ makes you say that?”

            Hongbin raised his eyebrows at the younger man. “Besides your reaction just now? Like I said, you were nearly incoherent. Key word: nearly. You managed to slur out multiple variations on ‘Jackson, I’m so sorry, I miss you, I didn’t mean it,’ etcetera. So? You used to talk about him all the time, but then you quit your job at the store and after that… nothing. What happened between you two?” At the sight of Jaebum’s jaw jutting out in a show of stubbornness, Hongbin let out an exasperated sigh. “Me having to drag this out of you isn’t fun for either of us, Jaebum. Please, please, just tell me what’s going on so I can help. Please, Jae.”

            Glancing at Hongbin, Jaebum could see the earnest concern and worry in the older man’s face and his shoulders drooped slightly in defeat. He chewed his lip nervously for a moment before taking a shaky yet determined breath. “Do- d’you remember that time?” he started off, “a while back? W-when you came into my apartment, a-and found me in the shower?”

            Hongbin stiffened slightly. “Yes, I remember.”

            Jaebum swallowed harshly. “After I healed up a bit, I- I went back to work, y’know? And Jackson showed up, and,” he began picking absentmindedly at the rim of the glass still cradled between his palms, “I thought I was okay? Bu- but I guess I wasn’t, ‘cause he got really concerned and then he got too close and I freaked out and-” Jaebum stared down at the water as it shivered in the glass. “I kinda had a- a panic attack?” Seeing Hongbin’s mouth open in concern, Jaebum rushed to finish his explanation. “Just- Jackson’s so good, Hongbin-hyung, so… pure? He’s jus’ so innocent and happy and bright, and I’m so- not. And, I just, I don’t deserve someone like that, right? So- so, I said awful things to him and- ‘nd he hates me now and that’s _good_ , because he shouldn’t be around someone like me, but if it’s good, why does it hurt so bad-” Jaebum’s breath caught in his throat, turning into a choked sob as tears began to well in his eyes. A devastated expression was etched into Hongbin’s face and he stood, taking the water glass from Jaebum’s shaking hands and setting it aside before wrapping the younger man in a tight hug, the smaller latching desperately onto him.

            “Shhh,” Hongbin murmured, stroking his hand through Jaebum’s hair. “I’m here, okay, Jae? Let it out, I’m here.”

            Jaebum sniffed, his fingers clutching at the fabric of Hongbin’s clothes as he sobbed. “He looked so sad, Hongb’n-hyung, I’d never seen him look like that before, so I jus’ tried to leave, y’know? Get away from him before I made him look sad all the time…. but his friends, they found me, they weren’t supposed to but they did, and I j-just, getting out of his life didn’t work, so… so….” He hiccupped, tears continuing to pour down his face as the words caught in his throat.

            Hongbin pulled back slightly, shifting to Jaebum’s side while at the same time keeping a hand stroking the younger’s back calmingly. “So you tried to drive him away by making him hate you.” The older man smiled sadly. “Yeah, I know. You tried the same thing with me.”

            Jaebum sniffed, staring down into his lap as he scrubbed his hand across his eyes like a small child would. “But… you didn’t leave. You stayed.” The younger finally looked up at Hongbin, tears still shining in his eyes. “Why did you do that?”

            The sad smile still in place on his lips, the older’s eyes were beginning to look suspiciously red. He reached out to gently ruffle Jaebum’s hair. “I was already in too deep, bud. You were a lot worse of an actor back then, you know. I could clearly tell how much pain you were in, even though you tried to convince me you weren’t.”

 

_Two Years Previous_

_Hongbin stood outside the building, leaning against a pillar as he scrolled idly through his phone. He yawned, stretching his neck to one side before checking his watch. Glancing at the glass doors to the building he was waiting outside of, he shrugged before returning to his phone. A few moments later, the doors swung open and a black-haired boy in baggy clothing exited the building, chewing on his lip as he self-consciously tugged the collar of his jacket higher around his neck. Looking up from his phone, Hongbin spotted the boy and a smile broke across his face._

_“Jaebum-ah!” Hongbin called out, pushing off the pillar and tucking his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. The younger jumped, startled, twisting to face Hongbin with wide eyes. As the older approached, Jaebum pulled his jacket tighter around his body. Hongbin frowned, noting the younger boy’s pale appearance. “Are you feeling okay, Jaebum-ah? You look kind of pale.” He reached out to feel the younger’s forehead, his frown deepening as Jaebum flinched away from his touch._

_Jaebum’s posture was surprised and defensive as he addressed the older. “Hongbin-ssi, what are you still doing here?”_

_Hongbin laughed, trying to push down the uneasy feeling rising in his gut at the younger’s appearance. “Haven’t I told you to call me hyung? Anyways, since we wrapped filming early today I thought you might want to get dinner. I overheard your manager ask you to talk with him briefly in his office so I thought I’d wait here and catch you on your way out!”_

_Jaebum shifted nervously, his fingers playing with the zipper tab on his jacket. “O-oh. That was r-really nice of you, Hongbin-ss-, I mean, Hongbin-hyung, b-but I’m okay.”_

_Hongbin pouted. “C’mon, please? Pretty please?” He gently poked Jaebum in the shoulder, the younger once again harshly flinching away. The uneasy feeling Hongbin had been trying to suppress began to rise again._

_Jaebum glanced behind himself quickly as if worried someone was watching him. He lifted a hand to rub nervously at the back of his neck, inadvertently pushing the coat collar he had pulled around his throat before aside. “Ah…. I-I don’t know… I mean, I suppose I could, just for a bit….”_

_Hongbin had the acceptance he had been looking for, but his attention was focused on something else. “Jaebum-! Your neck!” He lifted a hand, reaching out as if to attempt to touch the red marks he had spotted around the younger’s throat._

_Quickly realizing his mistake, Jaebum pulled his coat closed once again, the high collar hiding the marks from view. Lifting his chin defiantly, he attempted to sound assertive even as his voice shook slightly with suppressed emotion. “I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about, Hongbin-ssi.”_

_But Hongbin knew what he had seen. “Bullshit, Jaebum, somebody choked you. I know it didn’t happen during the shoot, after all, I was there. So…” his eyes widened in horror, “Jaebum-ah, did your manager do this to you?”_

_Jaebum stubbornly set his jaw, defiance flashing in his eyes, yet it did nothing to mask the fear there. “Even if he did, why should I tell you, Hongbin-ssi? Are you in charge of me?”_

_Through the bravado, Hongbin could clearly see the terror Jaebum was trying desperately to hide. His expression softened in sympathy for the younger man. “No, Jaebum, I’m not in charge of you. But I do consider myself your friend, and I care about you.” He smiled comfortingly, trying to put Jaebum at ease. “Stop with the ‘-ssi’, okay? Call me hyung.”_

_The younger man sneered. “Why should I do that? We’re not that close; I wouldn’t consider us friends. After all, the main basis of our relationship is you shoving your dick up my ass for money.”_

_Hongbin felt a sharp stab of hurt at the younger’s words, but pushed it aside in order to deal with Jaebum’s clear attempts at deflection. Hongbin nodded, letting out a sigh. “Alright. I’ll accept that I may have misinterpreted the depth of our relationship.” A flash of relief sparked in Jaebum’s eyes as he assumed the older was going to drop the topic, and catching the proof that the younger’s harsh words had been at least in part a deflection hurt Hongbin’s heart. “But,” the older continued, “even if we’re not friends, it’s not right for your manager to be hurting you.”_

_Apprehension and frustration were clear on Jaebum’s face. “I-“ he started before clamping his mouth shut, his hands coming up to pick at the inside edges of his coat collar._

_Hongbin smiled softly, sadness in his eyes. “We don’t have to talk about that now; it’s a little heavy for dinner conversation, isn’t it? So what do you say,” he held out a hand to the younger. “Come get ramen with me? I’ll buy, and we can work on actually becoming friends instead of just coworkers?”_

_Jaebum hesitated for a long moment, conflict clear on his face, before slowly reaching out and taking hold of Hongbin’s hand. A wide grin of happiness split the older’s face, and Jaebum smiled tentatively back. In that moment, Hongbin swore to himself to help the younger man in whatever way he could._

            “I remember,” Jaebum murmured. “You bought me ramen, an’ told me about your two sisters, about your roommate, about the guy you had a crush on.” He paused, smiling wanly, gaze distant as he looked back on the past. “It was a nice distraction; helped me to pretend things were almost normal.”

            “Hey,” Hongbin said softly, reaching his hand out to Jaebum like he had years before. With little hesitation, the younger took it. “I think you should try and talk to Jackson.”

            Jaebum stiffened, his grip on Hongbin’s hand slackening, but he didn’t let go. “ _What_.”

            Hongbin sighed heavily. “This is tearing you apart, Jae. You rarely drink but last night you went on a six soju bender. And if you think I haven’t noticed you overworking yourself, you’re wrong.” Jaebum looked away guiltily, but Hongbin soldiered on. “And you’re also wrong about not deserving some happiness in your life! If Jackson is as half a good a guy as you seem to think he is, I bet he could find it in himself to forgive you. You don’t want to hurt him or make him sad? Well then, wasn’t breaking his heart a little counterproductive?” He shook his head. “Call him, text him, I don’t care, just… please, Jae. Let yourself have something good for once.” The older man looked at Jaebum hopefully, gently squeezing the younger’s hand.

            Clearly thinking it over, Jaebum stayed silent for a long minute. “You… you really think he could forgive me?”

            Hongbin shrugged. “I think you can’t be sure until you try, and I really think it’s worth trying.”

            Finally letting go of the older’s hand, Jaebum began to pick at the hem of his t-shirt, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Evidently making up his mind, he started patting his pockets but found nothing. “Where’s my phone?”

            “Here,” Hongbin picked the phone up off coffee table, moving to sit on the couch next to Jaebum and handing the device to the younger man.

            Unlocking the screen, Jaebum opened the phone app and scrolled down to Jackson’s contact. His thumb hovered over the call button, his hand trembling slightly, but then he shook his head and abruptly closed the app. “Text,” Jaebum murmured, “I, I’ll text him. Texting is better.” He opened a new text conversation, putting Jackson’s contact info in. Then he stopped and stared at the blank text box, the cursor flashing, his fingers frozen above the keyboard. “God. What do I say? I don’t know what to say, Hongbin, I don’t-”

            “Start with the truth,” Hongbin said softly. “You were apologizing to him when you were drunk off your ass and he wasn’t even there, so “I’m sorry” is a good start. I’m not going to dictate what to say to you, but my advice would be apologize, briefly explain, and then ask to meet in person sometime. Be honest, and be as vulnerable as you’re comfortable being.”

            Jaebum inhaled shakily before nodding. “Okay, yeah. I- I can do this. Sure.” He slowly began to type, occasionally backspacing a word or two or sometimes a whole sentence. After almost five minutes of typing, deleting, and rewriting, he seemed to be satisfied. Taking a final moment of hesitation where he reread the completed text, Jaebum eventually held out the phone to Hongbin.

            The older gazed at the screen for a brief minute, carefully reading over each word, before leaning back and nodding.

            “It’s good?” Jaebum questioned anxiously.

            “Yeah,” Hongbin said, nodding again and smiling reassuringly, “it’s good. Send it.”

            After one last long moment of staring at his phone screen in indecision, Jaebum abruptly hit send and then locked the device, the screen going dark. “God. Fuck. I sent it.” He sucked in a sharp inhale. “Oh my god, I fucking sent it.”

            Hongbin wrapped his arm around Jaebum in a half hug, his fingers finding the tense muscles in the younger’s shoulder and kneading in a gentle massage. Jaebum leaned into his touch, letting out a soft sigh as he tucked his head against the older’s neck. “H’ngbin,” he said, voice slightly muffled in the other’s shirt, “my head really hurts.”

            The older man let out a quiet chuckle. “Let’s get you home, huh? C’mon,” Hongbin gently nudged the younger man with his shoulder, “I’ll call you a cab.” Jaebum pulled away, sitting up with a protest on his lips, but Hongbin cut him off. “Hey, no, I’m paying for your cab ride home and you’re not gonna argue, okay? Friends, remember? I want to do things for you because I care about you, so just go with it and let me.”

            Jaebum let out a grumble of displeasure but finally ground out a grudging, “Fine.”

            With a smile Hongbin stood and went into the kitchen to retrieve his phone. “I’m sending you home with an icepack, too!” he called back to Jaebum. “And make sure to drink plenty of water today!”

            Groaning, Jaebum dropped his head into his hands, but there was a reluctant smile on his lips.

 

            “Home, sweet home,” Jaebum murmured to himself as he stepped into his apartment. Closing the door behind him, he dropped his keys on the scuffed kitchen table along with a slowly melting ice pack and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Unlocking the screen, the text he had sent to Jackson was the first thing to greet him, still without an answer. Jaebum blew out an exasperated huff of air. “Shit. Can’t believe I let Hongbin talk me into this.” Shaking his head he locked the phone again, moving further into the kitchen to plug the device in and setting it down on the tiled counter-top. The screen lit up as the battery began to charge and Jaebum got a glimpse of the time, letting out a soft hum. Opening a cabinet, Jaebum pulled out a bottle of ibuprofen and popped one of the pills, swallowing it dry, the bottle rattling as he returned it to the shelf. That done, he scooped his keys off the table, heading out his apartment door and back down the stairs.

            Once in the complex lobby, Jaebum made a beeline for the tenant mailboxes. Out of the corner of his eye he registered two unfamiliar men dressed in dark suits having a quiet conversation against the far wall of the room. Something in the pit of his stomach fluttered anxiously but he pushed the feeling down, doing his best to ignore what he attributed to fried nerves. Turning his back on the pair as he went to open his mailbox, he pulled out the letters within and began to sort through them. _Spam, bill, bill, god why so many bills-_

            The click of dress shoes on the wood floor behind him sent a chill down Jaebum’s spine.

            “Excuse me?” a soft voice said, and Jaebum turned around to see one of the unfamiliar men had crossed the room and was addressing him.

            His mouth suddenly dry, Jaebum swallowed nervously. “Y-yes? Can I help you with something?”

            The man smiled blandly back. “We’re here to visit a friend of ours, but neither of us seems to be able to recall his apartment number. You wouldn’t happen to know an Im Jaebum, would you?”

            Jaebum’s heart seemed to stop in his chest.  “Uh, no, s-sorry,” he stuttered out, desperately trying to appear calm. “I, uh, just moved in recently, so I don’t really know the other tenants yet.” He let out a weak laugh, shrugging apologetically. “Sorry to not be of more help!” Jaebum turned towards the stairs, about to make an escape attempt, when the other man suddenly grabbed his arm. Startling harshly, his grip on the letters failed and several slipped from nerveless fingers, fluttering to the ground gently instead of thudding loudly like the nails in his coffin they seemed to be.

            “Oh, my apologies,” the man said, fake sincerity clear in his voice. “Let me get that for you.” He bent down to pick up the letters and Jaebum watched, frozen, as his eyes scanned the fronts of the envelopes, reading the name there. “Oh, my,” the man said, his tone playfully surprised, yet somehow threatening. Jaebum’s heart dropped into his stomach. Across the room, the man’s companion pushed away from the wall, advancing towards them. Straightening up, the first man assessed Jaebum with a deceptively neutral expression, but there was ice in his gaze. “ _You_ wouldn’t happen to be Jaebum, would you?”

            Jaebum’s eyes darted between the two men, searching desperately for an escape route. “I-” he began, before suddenly making a dash for the front door.

            Something rammed into him hard, slamming him back against the metal wall of mailboxes. Letting out a brief yelp of pain, Jaebum immediately began struggling in the grip of the second man who was pinning him in place, but to no avail. A swift punch to the stomach had him sagging, breathless, gasping as his lungs struggled to fill with air.

            The first man stepped forward, roughly taking a fistful of Jaebum’s hair and yanking his head back. A pained groan left Jaebum’s lips as his headache returned in full force, throbbing viciously, and he glared murder at the other man even as he struggled to breathe, inhaling in sharp pants.

            Returning the glare with a simpering smile, the man leaned in to whisper, his breath hot on Jaebum’s ear, “Minhyuk would like to see you now.”

            There was the sharp bite of a needle in the side of Jaebum’s neck, cold rushing into his veins, and he slumped, only held upright by the second man’s tight grip. His legs felt like jelly and his vision began to blur, but he was vaguely aware of being hauled out the complex and shoved gracelessly into the backseat of a car. The door slammed behind him and he stared fuzzily up at the roof’s interior, the tinted glass of the car windows shrouding him in muted darkness. Brief glares of light and the shift of the car’s frame under additional weight followed by a pair of slammed doors signaled the two men entering the car. As the engine rumbled to life and the vehicle smoothly slid away from the sidewalk, Jaebum’s head listed to the side, eyelids fluttering uselessly before finally closing as consciousness slowly slipped from his grasp.

 

            Inside the empty apartment, his phone vibrated where it had been left on the kitchen counter, the screen lighting up.

            _1 New Message_ , the notification read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just can't be nice to Jaebum, can I? God, coming back to this story has really been a trip.... I had so many plans for it and so many cool ideas and it just slipped through the cracks, so I'm excited to have gotten some inspiration back for it! The next chapter should be up relatively soon, and I gotta say it's one of my favorites. I wrote it way back when I started this story so it's mostly finished at this point, it just needs some tweaking to match up with the changes in plot I've made over the course of writing the other chapters. I'm going to try my best to keep the inspiration flowing for this fic myself, but remember, feedback is a writer's best friend ;) so please review! Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm posting another chapter already! The response to me bringing this story back has been really positive and it's been pretty inspiring. It also helps that this chapter has been written almost since I began this fic. I hope you enjoy!

To: Jackson

 _12:17 pm_   Jaebum: Hi jackson, it’s jaebum. Last time we talked didn’t exactly end well, and i

                  know you probably don’t want to hear from me at all after everything i said, but i'd            

                  like to try and explain why i said those things, if you’ll let me. Can we maybe meet             

                  up and talk?

 _1:24 pm_    Jackson: what u said really hurt me, and idk if i'm ready to talk to u yet but… fine.

                 when and where?

 _2:04 pm_ Jackson: jaebum? when and where do u want to meet

 _4:59 pm_   Jackson: dude wtf its been like four hours

 _5:22 pm_   Jackson: ur rlly making me call u huh

 _5:26 pm_ Jackson: ur not picking up the phone dude whats going on

 _5:43 pm_ Jackson: jaebum????

 

             "You have - three - new messages."

 

             *BEEP* " _Jaebum, it’s Jackson. You texted me and asked to meet up but you haven’t answered me since, and I don’t know whether to be pissed or worried. Call me back or text me, either one. You said you wanted to talk, to maybe fix things? Start by replying to my messages._ ”

             *BEEP* " _Jaebum, it’s Jackson again. I got where you work out of Mark and called the bar, but your boss says you called out sick for the rest of the week. What the hell, dude? Another disappearing act like before?? I really don’t appreciate being jerked around, man, so… you better not be jerking me around. Bye._ ”

 

             *BEEP* " _It’s Jackson. Three days. Really? Three goddamn days. If I don’t hear back from you by the end of today, I’m done. It’s barely been a week since you said all that awful shit to me, do you know that? Mark keeps telling me I shouldn’t be talking to you, and I’m starting to think he’s right. You were a major asshole to me and I still gave you a second chance, but… you’re blowing it, man. You’re really fucking blowing it………. Call me back._ ”

 

             Jackson jerked awake, his phone’s ringtone blaring loudly and jolting him from the nap he had been taking on top of his textbook, notes scattered around him. Fumbling slightly in his attempt to grab it, Jackson finally managed to get a hand on his phone and a quick glance at the caller ID had him freezing. He swallowed thickly and warily pressed the answer button. “Jaebum, why are you calling me now? It’s already been three days, it’s too-”

              “ _Jackson-ssi?_ ” A strained voice that was clearly not Jaebum’s came through the speaker. “ _Oh, thank god you picked up, I wasn’t sure that you would._ ”

             Jackson straightened up, his expression hardening. “Who are you and why do you have Jaebum’s phone?”

            There was a pause on the other end, before, “ _My name’s Hongbin. I’m a friend of Jaebum’s. I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s really no one else I could call. I know you and Jaebum are not on good terms right now, but will you at least hear me out?_ ”

            Jackson contemplated for a moment before making his decision. “Fine. Why are you calling me from Jaebum’s phone at two am?”

            A shaky sigh filtered through the call and Hongbin’s voice came through sounding rough, like he was holding back tears. “ _Jaebum… is not in good shape right now; he’s pretty beat up to be honest, and he refuses to let me take him to the hospital, but I… I don’t think I can do this on my own. He mentioned once that you have experience patching yourself up from fencing? I wouldn’t normally do this and Jaebum will probably kill me for calling you, but… fuck, I really don’t know how to handle all this by myself._ ”

            After a stunned moment, Jackson was immediately on his feet, rushing around the apartment while gathering a pile of supplies to shove one-handedly into a backpack. “Yeah, I’ll- I’ll come help, I’ll get there as fast as I can. How bad is it? What’s Jaebum’s address? I’ve never been to his place before.” Hongbin rattled off the address and Jackson scribbled it down onto a nearby sheet of scrap paper. “I have a friend, Youngjae; he’s studying to become a nurse. I could call him too, if you want…?”

            Hongbin’s reply came quickly, his relief almost palpable. “ _No, that’s okay. It’s not anything life-threatening, I don’t think, it’s just a bit much for me. If it’s worse than we can deal with then I’ll drag him to the hospital right away, no matter what he wants._ ”

            Jackson hefted his backpack onto his shoulder, his larger-than-normal first aid kit held in his phone-free hand. A question bubbled up in his chest and he paused just before the doorway. “Hongbin-ssi…. Why doesn’t Jaebum want to go to the hospital? Is it the money? I know he seemed to be having some trouble financially….”

            Hongbin’s breathing hitched and his voice when he answered was full of nervous uncertainty, like he was spilling a dark secret and was unsure of what Jackson’s reaction would be. “ _Since you’re coming to help, I suppose you should know beforehand…. It’s partially the medical bills, but… he doesn’t want them to run a rape kit._ ”

            The breath froze in Jackson’s lungs and the worried lump in his throat that he’d been trying to ignore crashed into his stomach with the weight of a boulder, as if it was trying to tear through his intestines and rip him wide open, the edges rough and grating on his insides. _Jaebum. Somebody had done…_ that _to Jaebum._ Jackson’s hand tightened on the handles of the first aid kit until he had to force himself to loosen his grip as the cheap plastic began to bend under the strain.

            “ _…Jackson?_ ” Hongbin’s tentative voice came through the phone speaker, the uncertainty there even clearer than before.

            Jackson took a deep breath to steady himself before answering as curtly as possible, a tremor clear in his voice despite the shortness of his response. “I’ll get there as fast as I can.” He hung up the phone and practically ran out the front door, letting it slam shut behind him.

 

            Jackson checked the address one last time before raising his hand to knock. The door flew open seconds after his knuckles first hit the wood, and a tall, handsome man with brown hair and a kind face stood there, worry and stress lines etched deep into the skin around his eyes. The lines eased a bit as a relieved look crossed the man’s face at the sight of Jackson. “Jackson, right? You look almost exactly like Jaebum described you. I’m Hongbin. Thank god you’re here, I really need the help.” Hongbin pulled Jackson through the doorway by his wrist, tugging him towards a door set adjacent to the slightly shabby kitchen. Jackson took a cursory glance around before Hongbin was yanking the door open and dragging Jackson into the room, where his eyes fell on Jaebum.

            Jackson’s gaze raked over the older, dismayed at what he saw. The brown-haired man was curled in the bed, covers a jumbled mess around him. His bottom lip was split and swollen, a vivid bruise stemming from it darkening along his jawline. A line of deep purple painful-looking hickeys trailed down his neck, disappearing under the hem of his tank top, overshadowed slightly by the dark imprints of fingers slowly making themselves known around his throat. The place where a heavy bruise had sat over a month before was once again marred, the skin red that would soon deepen to mulberry. Jaebum was unconscious, curled on his side with an arm tucked close to his body, the wrist swollen and quickly becoming consistently colored with a plum where the crimson lines of rope burn didn’t dominate. He shifted slightly in the bed and the fabric of his tank top shifted as well, allowing Jackson a miniscule glimpse of the skin of his back, red-striped with welts. The boulder in Jackson’s stomach sprouted razor blades, digging their sharp edges upwards into his lungs and heart as he wondered what else was hiding beneath the fabric of Jaebum’s clothes and blankets.

            “I’m going to kill whoever did this to him,” Jackson murmured, rage and anguish causing his voice to shake even as he gently brushed chestnut strands of hair back from Jaebum’s face, unsurprised at the heat of fever radiating off the older.

            Hongbin laughed bitterly, a grim and humorless sound. “God, I wish you would.”

            Jackson twisted sharply to look at him, desperate curiosity and anger burning in his eyes. “You know who it was??"

            Hongbin gazed back, Jackson’s fury mirrored in his own eyes, but there was also calculation there. After a moment of consideration, Hongbin finally replied, his voice and expression composed. “Jaebum first. Then I’ll explain.”

            Jackson nodded, turning back towards the bed as he continued to thread his fingers through Jaebum’s sweat-soaked hair, his gaze softening as he looked down at the older. “His wrist seems to be the most serious thing I can see, so we should start with that. It’s either sprained or dislocated. If it’s dislocated I’ll have to pop it back into place; I’ve done it before for a friend. Either way, we’ll need to immobilize it so it can heal.” Hongbin moved to the other side of the bed and together they carefully drew the covers back. Jaebum shivered but didn’t wake, and the razor blades dug deeper into Jackson’s heart as he caught sight of the welts and bruises staining the insides of the older’s thighs like splotches of ink, visible as they crawled beneath the hems of his boxers.

 

            A bit over an hour later and Jaebum was once again tucked comfortably back in bed, his dislocated wrist back in place and wrapped in a makeshift brace, his various cuts cleaned and bandaged. He had stayed unconscious for the majority of the treatment, having snapped into wakefulness briefly as Jackson jerked the bones in his wrist back to their correct position before passing back out from exhaustion and pain. With their charge resting relatively peacefully in the other room, Hongbin and Jackson sat together at the slightly off-kilter kitchen table, an awkward silence hanging between them.

            “So,” Hongbin started softly, breaking that silence, “what do you want to know?”

            Jackson’s hands curled into fists on top of the kitchen table, his gaze fixed on the weathered wood as his short nails dug bluntly into his palms. “You know who it is,” he stated flatly, barely contained fury tremoring in his voice.

            Hongbin inclined his head, nodding slightly. “Jaebum hasn’t pointed any fingers yet, but I could hedge a pretty accurate guess.”

            Jackson looked up, his fists tightening and nails digging deeper into the skin of his palms. An anguished expression flashed across his face. “Is… is this the first time?”

            He received his answer in the heartbreaking expression that crossed the older’s face.

            “Fuck,” Jackson muttered, unfisting his hands to rake his fingers through his hair. “Fuck,” he ran his hands down his face, rubbing at his eyes. “Fuck!” He slammed a fist down on the table, causing Hongbin to flinch back in shock. Jackson’s shoulders slumped forward and he leaned onto the table, his elbows holding him up as he twisted his fingers back into his hair. His voice was heavy laden with agony as he choked out, “The bruises I always saw him with, the things he laughed off as being from a fist fight while he was drunk or running into something when it was dark…. Were they all…?”

            Hongbin’s breath caught in his throat and he nodded solemnly. “Yes, most likely,” he murmured. Looking across the table at Jackson, his hands itched to reach out and attempt to comfort the younger.

            Jackson’s expression crumpled. “The last day I saw him at the convenience store… he had a fresh bruise on his face, and every time I tried to touch him he flinched away.” Something seemed to dawn on him and he looked down at his hands, taking ahold of his own wrist with his opposite hand. “Rope burn,” he said quietly, “his wrists were fucking rope burned.”

            Hongbin let out a heavy sigh. “I patched him up after that one. I didn’t know he was going to try to go back to work so soon, though, if I did I would’ve made him wait longer than three days-”

            “Three days??” Jackson cut in, “Three days after what?”

            Hongbin hesitated. “I- it’s not really my story to tell, and believe me, you really don’t want to hear it, so-”

            “Please,” Jackson said quietly, gazing at the older man solemnly, certainty in his eyes.

            Staring back at Jackson for a long minute, Hongbin finally gave in. “Alright, fine.” He took a deep breath. “From what I know, he was drugged. Chloroform, probably, from what he described. He woke up tied to a bed and a group of guys ran a train on him.”

            Jackson’s face went pale. “Jesus. And it was nonconsensual?”

            Hongbin nodded, carefully scrutinizing the younger man’s reaction.

             “Fuck,” Jackson murmured, burying his face in his hands. “He went through something like _that_ , and then a few days later just… shows up to work. No wonder he was so ski-” Jackson stopped midsentence, eyes widening as he lifted his head. “Oh, God. It was my fault. The way he had a meltdown that day, it was my fault. I got up in his personal space, I crowded him, _God_ -” Horror and guilt were clear in his expression. “No wonder he didn’t want to see me again, an insensitive fuck like me-”

             “Hey, no,” Hongbin cut in, shaking his head, “there was no way you could’ve known or even guessed, and I promise you, he doesn’t blame you for it. I know for a fact, that is not why he said the things he did.”

            The younger man inhaled shakily, carefully picking his next words. “Jaebum, he… he said he wanted to talk. In his text. To… to explain why he said what he said last time we talked. If not because of what happened that day at the store then… why?” There was a heartbreaking look in Jackson’s eyes.

            Hongbin sighed, anguish clear in his expression. “The last time I saw Jaebum was about three days ago. He called me in the middle of the night, so drunk he was practically incoherent. I found him in a random alleyway in the middle of the city, nowhere near his apartment, six soju bottles in. I hauled him back to my place, put him up on my couch. He didn’t even remember calling me.” Hongbin shook his head, sadness in his eyes. “Once he sobered up, we talked. About you mostly. I won’t get into it too much, seeing as it’s something you should talk to him about, but…” he sighed heavily. “I will say this; it wasn’t long after I met Jaebum that I started to get concerned. And the moment I expressed that concern? He said some really harsh shit to me to get me to leave it alone.” The older man huffed softly, his gaze distant. “Luckily I saw through it for the defense mechanism it was, but… he’s gotten a lot better at pretending to be okay since then. He seems to think that he’s protecting the people he cares about by pushing them away, no matter how much he hurts himself in the process.” Hongbin’s eyes seemed to refocus on the present and he fixed Jackson with a steady look. “He could really use more good people in his corner,” the older said, soft implication in his voice.

            Jackson sat back heavily in his chair, his eyes reddening as silent tears began to drip down his face. He sniffed once before swiping at the tears impatiently, fixing Hongbin with a determined gaze. “Explain. Tell me everything: why, who, how, when, where; everything.”

            Hongbin nodded, his expression tight with sorrow and worry. “I can’t tell you everything; some of it is things you need to hear from Jaebum. But I’ll tell you what I can.”

 

 Jaebum came awake slowly, his nerve endings creeping into awareness as his consciousness did. He blinked open his eyes, squinting against the early morning sun filtering in through his bedroom window. He carefully levered himself upright, wincing as the welts on his back throbbed and biting back a yelp of pain as he accidentally put pressure on his injured wrist. Stumbling upright, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and into the main living area of the apartment. Glancing over at the couch, a shock of familiar white-blond hair had Jaebum freezing in place, a sliver of icy fear worming its way into his heart.    

            "J-Jackson?" the brown-haired man croaked out, wincing as his hoarse voice grated at the raw inside of his throat, his uninjured hand going to rub at his neck before flinching back as the touch aggravated the dark bruises encircling his esophagus.   

            On the couch, the shock of blond hair jerked, tilting to the side before snapping upright as a sleepy-eyed Jackson turned to look at Jaebum, his tired eyes widening in shock. "Jaebum! You shouldn't be up and moving around, you need to rest so you can heal!" The shorter man jolted upright, his worried gaze still fixed on Jaebum.    

            Jaebum attempted a smile, burying the grimace that tried to rise once his split lip informed him of how bad an idea that was. "It's fine, I'm not hurt that badly." He moved to take another step forward and his legs betrayed him, his knee twinging in pain and causing him to stumble.    

            Jackson was there in an instant, hovering hands gentle and supportive while still managing to somehow avoid aggravating Jaebum's multitude of injuries. He carefully guided the older back to the bedroom and Jaebum resigned himself to being forced to rest, though every supported step caused the cold fear in his chest to spread. Jackson finally managed to get the older settled back beneath the covers, pillows strategically placed to hold Jaebum upright while keeping the pressure off the welts on his back. Jackson pulled a chair up next to the bed and Jaebum refused to meet his eyes, instead picking at the bandages encircling the rope burns on his wrists until Jackson's hand covered his own, pulling his fingers away from the gauze and entwining them with the younger's own. As Jackson's thumb stroked across the back of Jaebum's knuckles, the older finally pulled up the courage to ask the question he was both dying to and scared to death of having answered.   

            "What are you doing here?"   

            Jackson hummed nonchalantly, his tone casual as he replied, "Hongbin called me last night for help. You really scared him, you know."   

            Jaebum resisted the urge to bite his lip, knowing it would only make the split hurt worse. "So... do you...?"   

            Jackson sighed, his thumb stilling on the back of Jaebum's hand. He tried to make eye contact with the older, but Jaebum avoided his gaze, staring down at the bedsheets instead. "I don't know everything, but I know enough." Jaebum dug the fingers of his free hand into the blanket, ignoring the painful pangs it sent dancing through his wrist in favor of clutching on to something, anything, in order to ground himself. Oblivious, Jackson carried on. "I know that you and Hongbin both work as camboys, and you do ...porn videos and photoshoots as well. I know that you've been doing this for about three years. I also know that over those three years, one of the company you work for's management has been taking advantage of you and r-raping you,” Jackson's voice shook, his calm facade breaking for a moment. "I-"    

            "You know all that," Jaebum murmured, "so why are you still here?"   

            Jackson blinked, looking over at Jaebum in confusion. The older still refused to meet his eyes. "What did you just say?"   

            "I said," Jaebum raised his voice slightly, the tone shaky and hoarse, "if you know all that, why are you still here?" Staring down only at the coverlet, Jaebum missed the shocked and dumbfounded expression on Jackson's face. "You know all that, you know that I'm- I'm...." Tears began to drop from Jaebum's eyes, falling and absorbing into the bedsheets. "I'm a slut, a whore, somebody's bitch, just a pretty face and ass for someone to fuck. I'm not worth anything besides the amount of pleasure someone can get out of my body; I'm just somebody’s toy that's been played with so many times and so roughly that I'm broken and falling apart. The logical, the normal, the _easy_ decision would be to throw me away, so _why are you still here_??" Jaebum shouted the last part, voice hoarse, finally looking up at Jackson with tear-tracks streaming down his face and more brimming in his eyes, on the verge of overflowing.     

            Jackson's expression was devastated and shocked, and a sob hitched in Jaebum's throat, the cascade of tears finally breaking free and dripping down his cheeks as he broke eye contact with Jackson, grasping desperately for the pillow and turning his face into it as sobs continued to shake his body. After a moment of stunned hesitation, Jackson slowly reached forward to touch Jaebum’s hair, his hand shaking subtly as he carefully began to run his fingers through the chestnut strands, the older freezing under his touch.

            Jackson continued to gently card his fingers through Jaebum’s hair, waiting until the older shuddered and began to relax before beginning to speak, his voice low yet determined. “I don’t know why you’re saying those things, I’m assuming it was the man who did this to you that taught you them. Human beings aren’t toys, Jaebum. You’re not something to be discarded simply because of what that asshole did. It’s not your fault; it’s not something you asked for. A broken toy? If we’re continuing that analogy, I’ve always been one to sew a torn-up teddy bear back together rather than throw it away. Unlike that teddy bear, though, you’ll heal, Jaebum. The stitches and the scars will fade with time, and I’ll be right here to make sure the wounds don’t get ripped open again.” The older stilled under Jackson’s hand, his shoulders tensing at the onslaught of words. Jackson sighed, nestling his fingers in Jaebum’s hair and continuing to stroke lightly through it. “What I’m saying is, I’m not going to throw you away. You pushed me away once, and… I think I understand why now, and I forgive you for that. That said, I’m not going to leave you because of something like this. I’m going to stay right here and help you bandage up the cuts and ice the bruises and splint the broken bones, and I’ll still be here once you’re healed. You can’t make me leave, Jaebum, that’s not how friendship works.”

            The older shifted slightly, turning his head to glance sideways at Jackson. “Friendship?” Jackson nodded, his eyes focused on the other’s face as he continued to run his fingers through his hair. Jaebum hesitated momentarily and began to push himself upright, waving Jackson away as he fluttered about worriedly. Jaebum took a deep breath, eyes flashing away momentarily before moving back to anxiously meet Jackson’s. “Do you mean… we’re friends again?”

            A happy smile broke across Jackson’s face. “Yeah, we’re friends… _again_.”

            Jaebum’s eyes widened as he caught the stress on the final word, his expression crumpling as his gaze dropped to the covers. He began to pick at the edge of the blanket, a slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. “I’m… so sorry, Jackson. I,” his breath hitched in his throat. “I said awful things that day, and- and I didn’t mean them, you should know that, I want to say I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I _did_ , and….” Tears began to well up once again in Jaebum’s eyes as he looked up at Jackson. “Can you ever forgive me?”

            Jackson smiled softly. “Didn’t you hear me, Jaebum-hyung? I _already have_.” He began to move forward but then hesitated before quietly asking, “Can I hug you?”

            Jaebum chewed on his lip before nodding in assent.

            Jackson’s arms wrapped around the older slowly and carefully, grip solid and reassuring but gentle enough to barely cause Jaebum any pain despite his multitude of injuries. Jaebum let out a quiet sob, burying his face in Jackson’s shoulder while his hands clenched at the fabric of the younger’s shirt.

            They sat like that for several minutes, Jackson holding Jaebum as the older wept on his shoulder and Jaebum clinging to Jackson like a drowning man clings to the scrap of wood keeping him afloat. When they finally broke apart, there was a wet spot on Jackson’s shirt and Jaebum’s eyes were red but the older seemed to have some kind of weight lifted off his shoulders and he managed a watery yet happy smile.

             Jackson smiled back, reaching out to gently encourage Jaebum to lie back. “Hyung, you need to rest, okay?” Once Jaebum was lying down, safely bundled beneath the covers, Jackson stood up to leave the room. “Alright, so I’ll be right out front if you need me-”

            He was stopped by a hand curling around his wrist. “Wait,” Jaebum murmured. “Stay?” Jackson bit his lip uncertainly, turning back to look at the older. The look in the brunette’s eyes caused Jackson’s resolve to falter and then crumble altogether.

             “Alright,” he sighed, moving back towards the bed. “Where do you want me?”

            Jaebum lifted the covers, his expression hopeful. Jackson blinked, gnawing on his lip as he desperately tried to backpedal. “I- I don’t know, you’re injured, plus it’ll be hot? With two of us in one-”

            Jaebum’s expression faltered, uncertainty mixing in with the hope. “Please? You’re tired, I can tell, and my couch isn’t very comfortable. Just… please?” He hesitated momentarily. “You… make me feel safe.”

            Jackson met the older’s eyes before nodding, moving forward to climb carefully into the bed. Once settled, he wrapped his arms around the older and Jaebum nuzzled into him, his lips brushing Jackson’s collarbone as he curled up against the younger man. Jackson rested his chin on top of Jaebum’s hair and closed his eyes. Together, they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some comfort to go along with all the hurt I've been dishing out. I know a lot of you have been looking forward to that, so I hope I did it justice! Unfortunately I'm not sure when I'll next be able to update.... My university classes actually just started, so I'm about to get pretty busy and from here going forward I don't have a lot already written for the next chapters, so it will probably be a bit. Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a relatively timely manner! Remember, feedback is the writer's fuel for inspiration, so please review :)


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